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work stress
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Message 1.Â
Posted by poppy (U2220656) on Friday, 3rd February 2012
I have a very stressful job that involves a 5 hour daily commute. I get home around 8 each evening. OH lives a long way away and so we only have weekends. For various reasons I have at least another year in this job and 3 more years till retirement. I am handling the stress of all this very badly and don't really know how to put work in a box when I am not doing it. What do people do? Help!
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Message 2
Posted by strawberrysunrise (U10452397) on Friday, 3rd February 2012
could you rent your place out and rent somewhere nearer to work?
25 hours a week travelling is nearly another jobs worth, it seems like lot of time that could be used more productively. -
Message 3
Posted by solwright (U14953337) on Friday, 3rd February 2012
I can't imagine a five hour commute every day.
Is there any possibility of doing as Strawberry suggests?
Then get yourself up to Assynt for a little break! (It is you, Poppy, who loves that area?) -
Message 4
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Friday, 3rd February 2012
You must be having to get up pretty early as well. Sounds very tiring.
Long commutes vary in their stressfulness, of course - are you able to use the time to switch off from work and read or listen to stuff (I do a certain amount of driving these days and discovering the ability to download interesting podcasts and listen to them in the car has made me feel that the time is not wasted). -
Message 5
Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Friday, 3rd February 2012
Could you find somewhere close to work to stay for say three days a week so that cuts back on communting time on those days. Do you drive or travel by train?.
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Message 6
Posted by Dougals Servant (U7470526) on Friday, 3rd February 2012
Poppy, I often think of you and your horrid commute. I know how totally knackered I used to get and the weekend seemed to be just for doing the chores to turn around for the next week.
Not really sure what to suggest. I always used to try to have something to look forward to..... But I don't think I handled the stress very well.
D's S
PS How is Winston? -
Message 7
Posted by planetzig (U7531074) on Friday, 3rd February 2012
Doesn't the cost of commuting at least equal the cost of a couple of nights a week in a B&B.
May not be what you would want to do but if you are in a B&B at least you can't do home chores and could just get some rest.
Anyhow: sympathies for your current situation: sounds demanding and stressful.
Hope things improve. -
Message 8
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Blimey, poppy - 5 hours a day? Last time I moved, one of the reasons was because I was a bit fed up with driving at least 45 minutes each way.
I did an 11 hour day today (not including an hour commuting, but that's both ways), and I've had a nerve jumping in my eyelid.
Too much work is not good. As you already say, it's very stressful and difficult to deal with. If you don't sort something out, you'll end up not being able to work anyway,
I agree with those who say you need to find somewhere to stay up in the week, or cut the commute one way or another. 5 hours commuting is bearable for a week, just about, but not long-term.
Please take care of yourself.
(Yes, Bearhug, that means you, too...) -
Message 9
Posted by Dougals Servant (U7470526) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Poppy
Is there any chance of working from home 1 or 2 days a week?
Even if you needed to invest in a proper conference 'phone or a home office Video Conferencing set up that might save your sanity. I have both here so can tell you prices etc..
D's S
PS When are you next up my way? -
Message 10
Posted by metro-mouse (U3068238) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
That is a terrible commute.
Could you rent a room cheaply in a flat/house nearer or even near to work and only commute say three days a week? I think many would be happy to have a little extra cash for for very little effort, I would.
My de-stressing was cycling home, concentrating on survival blew the cares and stresses of the working day out of my mind and into proportion as fellow cycling workers agreed, not an option for a 2.5 hour commute probably. mm -
Message 11
Posted by woofti aka groovy gravy (U1483210) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Can't provide suggestions, but I hope you sort something out and soon. 5 hours is no joke.
Be safe
woof x -
Message 12
Posted by poppy (U2220656) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Thanks all. I have thought about moving but that would mean being closer to London which would make me miserable - living in a small rural town suits me. I have a Kindle for the commute and also music. I might investigate looking at similar towns a bit closer in. I think my problem is mainly how to switch off in the evening and the weekend - I still wake before 6 at the weekend for example, and dwell on work matters when I'm not there. I think I'm not a very relaxed person and take things too seriously - I worry endlessly. I need to learn to put work in a box somehow. I could work more at home - I would actually get more done and perhaps I should try to be systematic about a day at home each week.
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Message 13
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Poppy, I used to commute about 4 hours a day -- in the morning it was two hours from leaving my front door to getting to my desk, with a 90 minute train trip as the main part of the journey. I was going against the rush hour so always got a seat. (For me the commute was because I did NOT want to live in a stiflingly provincial Australian town but wanted to stay in Sydney -- Australian small towns are the reverse of the charm of English ones). So it was worth it for my lifestyle.
But I worked from home 1 day a week, and although usually Saturday for me is an extra work day (academic workloads being what they are), I would find I needed a nap in the afternoon. And one year my teaching started at 9:30am and didn't finish until 9pm. OTOH that year, I had teaching on only 2 days, instead of 3, and admin duties on the 3rd, so working that extra long day was worth it.
But the only way I could justify the travel time was to work on the train. I was very disciplined about that in the mornings, less so in the evenings. in the evenings, I tended to read the next books I was teaching, or materials for research. In the morning I did marking, lecture & seminar preparations and reading postgrad drafts & so on. I always got a lot of work done in that uninterrupted 90minutes, although had to avoid giving tutorials going home: a lot of students did the commute as well.
One way to deal with stress is to be organised, and *know* that you are on top of what needs doing, even though -- in my experience -- the stress from my job (which can be intense) is about unreasonable workloads. You can't do it all, but you can work out what you can reasonably do.
So could you do some work in the mornings, and relax in the evenings? Would that help to get on top of the stress?
There are times when I miss my commute -- I got a lot of work done. I still find longish train journeys very useful, productive time. -
Message 14
Posted by solwright (U14953337) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I was the same, and never really found a way of switching off. Sleep was a real problem too.
However, I did at one time have a particularly difficult person in my department and the stress of dealing with this was immense. A few sessions of hypnotherapy helped me cope. It might be worth trying, although with your long commute I'm not sure how you'd find the time to attend.
I also had to be sure to eat healthily. If I ate badly because I was too tired to cook, I felt much worse.
In my last year of working before retirement I found it easier not to care so much! -
Message 15
Posted by Fee (U3534148) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
>I think my problem is mainly how to switch off in the evening and the weekend - I still wake before 6 at the weekend for example, and dwell on work matters when I'm not there.<
poppy, I used to be much more like that than I am now - these days I rarely find the motivation to start working again in the evening once I get home. I'm not sure quite what has caused the change. It is something around being able to detach from work and see it as something separate and not part of my identity. Actually, getting distracted by ML has played a part in that - a fine balance not to tip from being over-wrapped up in work to getting over-distracted by ML.
As it happens, I am at work this morning so I'd better get on with what I'm supposed to be doing. -
Message 16
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I also had to be sure to eat healthily. If I ate badly because I was too tired to cook, I felt much worse.Â
Yes, that's the one I'm particularly struggling with at the moment. -
Message 17
Posted by the_shellgrottolady (U2395646) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Hi Poppy
It seems from the OP that the 5hrs commute is a seperate problem from the switching off problem but is causing it.
It is making your working day too long so when you get home you are too wired to relax and keep replaying your day and know at the crack of dawn the next day you've got to do it all over again.
Is that right?
Or do you think you would still worry about work , even if you lived close.?
This is proabably stupid but could you try allowing yourself to worry about work for an hour on the commute home and then just close a mental door on it? Say to yourself - no good thinking about that now at this time. I'll deal with it tomorrow.
At the end of the day (literally) it really does not do any good worrying. It is only a job when all is said and done - you can only do your best and it's not worth ruining your health for whatever it is. No one is indispensible - if something happened to you no doubt it would all continue. The sun will come up in the morning and one day none of us will be here to see it.
This is your life. we never know how long we've got.
Dr Shell says go sick for a few days and spend them cooking and freezing meals and making biscuits and soup. Don't see it as skiving - think of it as sorting out your mental health. If you carry on at this rate you might find it makes you ill so pre empt it and get some peace and decent meals into your life to sustain you.
anyway - you asked - that's what I think for what it's worth.
Shell -
Message 18
Posted by Lady Trudie Tilney Glorfindel Maldini (U2222312) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I think my problem is mainly how to switch off in the evening and the weekend - I still wake before 6 at the weekend for example, and dwell on work matters when I'm not there. I think I'm not a very relaxed person and take things too seriously - I worry endlessly. I need to learn to put work in a box somehow.Â
I think if you could work out a reliable solution to that one you'd make a fortune!
OH is exactly the same. When he gets home he usually does 30- 45 minutes exercise (or more) , whatever time he gets in, just to clear his head. Luckily he's physically able to, it's not a solution for everyone, but what about a Wii fit? Could you record the Archers* and do 15 minuutes stepping while listening to that?
*other light entertainment programmes available. -
Message 19
Posted by Sixties Relic SAVE ML (U13777237) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Poppy, if you are only 4 years off retirement, how about gettting a lower paid, less stressful job more locally for the last 4 years? I assume you have a works pension - will freezing this 4 years early really make mch difference to your final pension?
I found the last 2-3 years of work increasingly hard but know it is difficult to pack it in - after all a lot of our personality is wrapped up in our jobs. But now I have finished - I am loving it. No stress, time to do all the things I never had time for. I do not have a huge pension but I can manage. -
Message 20
Posted by solwright (U14953337) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Poppy, at your stage I made up my mind to retire early if I really couldn't stand it.
I took each year at a time, and somehow the the realisation that it would be possible to retire made it more bearable and I did in fact manage to stay till retirement age. -
Message 21
Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Five hours a day commuting? Lor' - no wonder you can't switch off, Poppy! I was finding 2 hours commute too much. As well as that my job changed beyond recognition, so I've decided to pack it in and retire early.
I figured that when it reached the point where I couldn't face getting up in the morning, it was no longer worth it on any level. -
Message 22
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
Yes, me too Lili and as I was about to tell the organisation I was going to go early, when I had a physical breakdown and out of all that came the diagnosis of heart failure and COPD. I too had a long commute - 5/6 hours a day - often longer when the weather was bad. I then took ill-health retirement and once I had managed to become stable with all my meds I started doing the humanist work that I do which is entirely within my control and so I can do as much or as little of it as I wish.
I have been so much happier since I took this decision. I don't think I would have survived had I carried on with the long hours and the pressure of the job which was terrible.
If you possibly can, poppy, think about taking early retirement. Nobody ever thanked anyone for dying of overwork and stress. There are other things you can take up which bring fulfilment to your life.
all the best
Savvie
x -
Message 23
Posted by poppy (U2220656) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I would dearly love to take early retirement but I can't afford to. Have only a work pension going back 3 years - before that I was self-employed and before that (for most of my career) I worked in Nigeria. State pension doesn't begin until I am 63. I also got deep into financial trouble when I was self-employed and ended up in massive debt - I have been paying that back for the last 5 years and am within about 10 months of paying the last of it off. Once that happens I can talk to OH and talk about options.
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Message 24
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I have thought about moving but that would mean being closer to London which would make me miserable - living in a small rural town suits me.Â
I do understand this (I prefer it, too.) OTOH, if you're out all day working and commuting, and are then recovering from exhaustion at the weekend, do you get to see much of it and appreciate it that much?
So more WFH or staying up in the smoke during (at least part of) the week, you'd have more energy to appreciate home when you are there. -
Message 25
Posted by LoopyLobes (U14384399) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
This is what I would have said. You aren't seeing much of your home anyway with that sort of commute. Could you find somewhere to stay during the week that's closer and then make the most of your weekends at home? How about arranging to work from home on Fridays or Mondays so that you get a better balance?
My OH works a long way from home, but he stays there all week. He works very long hours while he's away because there's not much else to do, then at the weekends he's up at 5am because his mind is still buzzing (even solving problems in his sleep then waking up to write the solutions down before he forgets). He gets up when he wakes and goes for a long walk along the canal, getting back in time for breakfast with the rest of us.
Me? I'm lucky to work much shorter hours and very close to home, but I have to do everything while he's away so it's hard for me too. -
Message 26
Posted by Redbookish (U1335018) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I think early retirement is quite difficult when you're single (or financially so, as Poppy seems to be). I'm quite well paid but I doubt I'll be able to retire early: pretty much the same costs as a couple & half the income!
I've been thinking about stress, Poppy. Exercise is good -- can you fit that in during your working day? I find I can't, but twice a week I leave the office early at around 6.30pm to go to my ballet class.
I also NEVER look at work emails once I leave the office: not even over the weekend.
And then I think it's a matter of discipline and positive self-talk, not to let yourself get into the habit of useless worrying, particularly when you can't do anything about it (ref. not looking at work emails out of the office). The positive self-talk for me is an internal 'soothing' mantra, much as one soothes a baby or a horse -- I tell myself "It'll be all right. It'll be all right." -
Message 27
Posted by Bearhug (U2258283) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I tell myself "It'll be all right. It'll be all right." Â
And indeed, nearly everything is in the end.
One thing I find - if things really are buzzing round in my head, then writing them down helps, because I know I can forget them for now, as I have made a note, so I won't forget them when it is time (work time rather than my time) to deal with them. -
Message 28
Posted by savannahlady (U2362903) on Saturday, 4th February 2012
I would dearly love to take early retirement but I can't afford to. Have only a work pension going back 3 years - before that I was self-employed and before that (for most of my career) I worked in Nigeria. State pension doesn't begin until I am 63. I also got deep into financial trouble when I was self-employed and ended up in massive debt - I have been paying that back for the last 5 years and am within about 10 months of paying the last of it off. Once that happens I can talk to OH and talk about options.Â
Ah I see. That does make a big difference of course and I am really sorry that you are in this position.
One thing I did try and do when I was working in London was to go out for a walk or a cycle ride at lunch time (I kept an old bike at the College which was, luckily in Regents Park so I was able to do either in very pleasant surroundings. Certainly a little fresh air and some exercise helped, until I got to the point where I was starting to be quite ill and not knowing why and not being able to do much at all.
I think that the suggestions of perhaps renting a room near where you work during the week might be the most helpful in terms of the commute - don't know where you are situated so not sure how practical that might be - you never know, there might be an MLer nearby who has an empty room they like a little money for?!
As to the worrying at home - yes, I used to do that too and because I was the CEO it was really impossible for me not to be available. The President used to call me on my handsfree coming into work at 5.45/6.00 in the morning and ten minutes after I left at usually 7.30/8.00 in the evening, be on the phone again, weekends, on holiday abroad, anywhere - usually to change something we had agreed on previously. It was a nightmare so I do know exactly what you mean. Others have suggested not looking at your emails when you leave the office and at weekends - I don't know if your job allows you to do that, mine didn't so I really couldn't tell if that is the way to go.
But I wish you luck poppy and hope you find a way through this. It ain't a barrel o' laughs, that's for sure.
Love
Savvie
x -
Message 29
Posted by Abu Milhem (U14323992) on Thursday, 23rd February 2012
I have always hated the very idea of commuting more than about half an hour each way and I have never done so except for a period of about 18 months in a 35 year working life. I share a flat in central London with another commuting refusenik who is the same age. We go separate ways at weekends. 1 to Cardiff the other to rural North Essex. It works very well and is cheaper. Less stress and a gentler life. We must be lucky - this little pocket of peace in London is so quiet we rarely hear sirens or similar urban intrusions. A 5 hour commute; my heart goes out to you. I wish I had an extra bedroom for you.
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