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Being 'bitten on the b*m'

• Message 1. 

  Posted by orstiblesquirrel (U15219791) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  No, Mods, I am not try to be rude or contentious in my choice of title-phrase.
  
  The idiom is however a very vivid one, expressing how one can be taken by surprise (often unexpectedly from the rearguard) by life-matters one thought one had dealt with, whether to do with bereavement (human or pet-animal), illness, inexplicable loss of friendship/relationship, financial worry ... there is far more for each individual as we are, well, individuals.
  
  No need to call in Auntie Beeb, Mods. This will be lived through, as much else has been, during my 62 years on this earth. I recognise that I am essentially a fortunate person, despite major 'blips' in life.
  
  It's the middle of Mon/Tue night 08/05/2012 and I am having a 'bitten on the b*m' moment or three for no good reason (other than that I still badly miss my late husband). With the returning light I'm sure I'll be fine.
  
  I would find it helpful to hear what prompts 'bitten on the b*m' moments in other Mustardlanders.

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Dirigibles was here (U7278225) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  Oh, Squiggs, I'm sorry that things have crept up on you.
  Your capacity to cope has kept you bobbing above water, but it's hardly surprising that the cumulative effect of all the hugely significant things that have occurred recently will gang up on you when you least expect it.
  Sorry that I wasn't here to chat at 3.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by whitbyrose (U15069960) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  .....and Im sorry that despite seeing the OP ( or the top of it) in the middle of the night being such a literal chapess I thought you must have been bitten by a gnat ( despite it being a term i use frequently).
  
  It is a horrible feeling and one Im only too familiar with but I cant pinpoint what triggers it for me.
  
  I know that it happens more when Im on my own which I am a lot and there is a dilemma there as I crave solitude when not working or spending time with family and friends ( which happens in bursts rather than regulary) but know it leads to these sort of feelings and the need to be on my own is caused I think mainly by the thing that comes to bite me on the bum so a no win really.
  
  It will be interesting to see what other people say about their experience as I suspect it is very common.
  
  All I can offer really is the hope that you dont get this happening too often dear Squigs especially as you are about to experience another change in your life.

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by organistswife (U14259593) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  I often get such moments that have me walking the floor at 3 in the morning.

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by Dirigibles was here (U7278225) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  Whitby, I agree that it tends to happen when one is not distracted by other things, as if it's waiting patiently for a quiet moment to sneak up and strike.
  Often I feel an absolute panic when the enormity of something hits me, and it's not a new 'something', it might be something I've been aware of for ages.
  
  

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  $quigs - hugs!
  
  I get those thoughts, too, when I am doing the ironing on a rainy day. The only way to ignore them is to switch the radio on. If I do the ironing in silence, then it is a kind of meditation, and I immediately fall into a pattern of regrets and remembrances.
  
  Hope you are feeling a little 'lighter' now that the daytime has arrived.

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Once-a-Ginge (U1486077) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  Hoping Daylight is helping, Squigs. I have them too, over the loss of the parents I had a really really bad relationship with. While they were alive there was the hope that it would all be all right "one day". But of course it never was. Five years on I still suddenly get those gnat bites which stop me dead, wishing the last few months (which were hellish for all three of us - they died within a three weeks of each other) could have been different and I could have made it easier for them.
  
  It would have been my mother's birthday this week . . .
  
  Tabs

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• Message 8

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Silver Jenny (U12795676) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  squiggs. Sorry you are having a 'bitten on the btm' time..
  
  You have had a very bad time in recent years but have given your insight into the coping after the death of your beloved husband. Trite comfort won't help; maybe saying 'I know those moments well', especially the 3am ones might, just a smidgeon. You are not alone. .
  
  I also hope that your spell in orstible is to be a brief one and that DD and her young man are around to help.
  
  What set me off, as I mentioned elsethread, was feeling totally helpless to improve life for my YS, who has mental illness. Then during the next few days I knew how much support we both have.

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• Message 9

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Leaping Badger (U3587940) on Tuesday, 8th May 2012

  Hi $quiggs, just want to send you hugs and best wishes as I see you here, although you're not here because I've found this rather late, but I haven't seen you about for a long time. Hope you're out of horsepital soon if not already, and that your bum remains firmly unbitten from now on.
  'Ö' xx

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• Message 10

  , in reply to message 9.

  Posted by orstiblesquirrel (U15219791) on Wednesday, 9th May 2012

  Thanks, Leapers and others. Dunno why, but y'day was an unexpected b*m-biting day. Compared with many here I am a very fortunate woman: I can hear my Granny singing 'Count your blessings, name them one by one' even now, ear-worm style. Probably just a bad dose of self-pity - too many losses, too much change too fast, too much sudden and multiple illness.
  
  I know you suffer bad health but rarely complain. I feel a wimp by comparison. I hope all is as well with you as it can be.

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• Message 11

  , in reply to message 10.

  Posted by Once-a-Ginge (U1486077) on Wednesday, 9th May 2012

  {hug} Squigs. Hope today is a better one. Onwards and upwards.

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• Message 12

  , in reply to message 11.

  Posted by wandypig (U3850819) on Wednesday, 9th May 2012

  Can I send my best wishes too, hoping that things do look better in daylight?
  
  I spent yesterday with a friend who has been bitten on the b*m hard recently and it has really knocked her off kilter. She nursed her father through his final illness at the expense of her own health. Her mother had a very different way of dealing with things, and their own relationship suffered as a consequence. My friend is now suffering a recurrence of eating disorders which have plagued her throughout her adult life. She will pull through this crisis, as she has in the past, but it takes time. You will too; I know you are a courageous and resourceful woman.

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• Message 13

  , in reply to message 12.

  Posted by Sixties Relic SAVE ML (U13777237) on Wednesday, 9th May 2012

  I think 2 or 3 am is a nasty time of the night for most people. I think it's something to do with your biorhythms or something.
  
  I am generally fairly placid. I'm divorced, and have reasonably amicable relations with my ex and can't say I want him back. And it was a long time ago. However, I do sometimes have horrible dreams in the middle of the night which involve him (and "the other woman", too). I can wake up feeling very upset.
  
  Strange, isn't it?

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