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Bullying

• Message 1. 

  Posted by CC Growing old disgracefully (U13344869) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  Not sure if there has been a thread about this before.
  
  When a childs clothes or property is damaged or stolen and has to be replaced because of bullying at school do you think that the parents of the bully should pay for replacements?. Also should you approach the parents direct or should it be dealt with by the school about this?.

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  I would never approach the bully's parents directly, even if you have cast-iron evidence that would stand up in a court of law.
  
  The school should have an anti-bullying policy, and in the first instance I would report all incidents to the head teacher, keeping a copy in writing. If no response, then I'd send a copy to the head of governors.
  
  Unfortunately, society has changed since I was a child. When I was bullied at school, my father went and spoke to the bullies himself. These days he'd probably have got arrested for going into a playground and speaking to a child that he wasn't related to!

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by peacemaker (U14739277) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  CC this is a horrible thing to happen to a child and should be sorted out asap. Agree with what Lili says - never approach the parents.
  
  You need to speak to the school straight away. Be very sure of your facts before making any accusations. There could be others involved.
  
  Take photos of damaged clothes and write down the dates when you noticed things went missing. If this is an ongoing problem it would be best to have a written record of all the instances.
  
  I think schools do deal with this better than they did in the past. I had a daughter who was badly bullied and I was upset at how the school dealt with it at the time. I happened to work in that school a couple of years later and noticed another child bullying others. I spoke to the head, who did not handle it well, and the mother of the child really turned on me. Not nice as we both lived in the same village.
  
  My advice would be to proceed with caution.
  
  

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 3.

  Posted by CC Growing old disgracefully (U13344869) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  Thanks for advice. I am the Grandparent involved. The bullying has been going on since the start of new term and other children are involved. The parents of the other bullied children have spoken about this and do not feel that the school is dealing with it very well at all. After various detentions and isolation the bully continues to attack others. Headmaster says that expulsion is the next step but as the bullies Mother is a member of his staff and works for the school he cannot afford to a member of the school staff to stay at home looking after the bully if he is expelled. Understand that parents of another bullied child have approached the school governors but feel that it is a bit of a "old boys and girls network" and not very helpful either.

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by whitbyrose (U15069960) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  Oh dear Carol what a difficult situation. I hope it gets sorted as quickly and ably as possible for everyones sake.

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by Lili Bolero and the band played on (U10534540) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  Headmaster says that expulsion is the next step but as the bullies Mother is a member of his staff and works for the school he cannot afford to a member of the school staff to stay at home looking after the bully if he is expelled  
  
  This doesn't sound like a valid reason for doing nothing. Perhaps the child has another parent who can look after him/her or perhaps the child needs counselling. If there is no support from the Board of Governors, the next step is the Local Authority.

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by peacemaker (U14739277) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  IME a head is often protective of a member of their teaching staff, but less so if they are support staff. Are we talking primary school here?
  
  In some ways it is helpful that other parents are involved. They do all need to co-ordinate a plan of action and demand it be taken seriously by the governing body.
  
  However I do wonder if the bully needs help? Possibly he/she may think that with his/her mother in school this will allow him/her to get away with more. On the other hand it sounds as though this child may need extra support. Cannot the child be referred to an educational psychologist if there are serious behavioural problems?
  
  Perhaps some conflict resolution tactics may work. Would the head sanction a meeting of this child's mother with the parents affected. Staff would need to be present of course.
  
  My daughter was bullied by a number of children and because it was just her I had no support from other parents. However whatever form bullying takes it needs to be stamped on.
  
  Sorry I can't be more helpful CC. It seems rather quiet in here today and you might reach more teachers and others with experience of this if you go over to TB. Hope things improve for your grandchild.

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• Message 8

  , in reply to message 7.

  Posted by CC Growing old disgracefully (U13344869) on Sunday, 3rd February 2013

  The school involved is a high school.

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• Message 9

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by Sister Primrose of the Red Tinsel Flag (U5405579) on Monday, 4th February 2013

  If it's a high school the children are above the age of criminal responsibility. If property has been damaged it may well be criminal damage. I'd be inclined to ask the Headmaster to address the question properly or face a joint complaint to the police about the child.
  
  Are you in Scotland? I think I have been told, somewhere along the way, that references to the Children's Panel can be made by concerned members of the public. The child who is being a bully might satisfy the criteria for social work assessment under care and protection grounds. The thought of this happening might be enough to focus the minds of the adults within the school - headmaster and parent of bully - onto addressing the issue. I know that will sound the wrong way around when you are concerned for the child being bullied, but if it gets the problem resolved it's for the good (and I don't believe happy self confident children bully, so if the kid is doing this there may well be a care issue to be addressed)
  
  PP

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• Message 10

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by LindaLee (U2777941) on Monday, 4th February 2013

  Headmaster says that expulsion is the next step but as the bullies Mother is a member of his staff and works for the school he cannot afford to a member of the school staff to stay at home looking after the bully if he is expelled. 
  
  CC, this is absolutely NOT a valid reason for failing to deal with bullying!
  
  The parents need to go back to the Head and Governors and say so, firmly.

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• Message 11

  , in reply to message 10.

  Posted by Dunlurkin NL (U2675855) on Monday, 4th February 2013

  Crikey. Throughout my primary school career I had a parent either teaching or head at my primary school. It would never have occurred to me that this gave me carte blanche to wreak havoc. Au contraire, I was extra careful not to get into any sort of trouble.
  
  Has the Head actually said that in so many words? If so the next step is surely to get him to put that in writing and for parents to take it to the Governors and the LEA. Smartish!
  
  
  Dunlurkin
  
  
  

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