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There's a hilarious, poignant film to be made about an one-time kiddie actor pining for a comeback in his mid-30s. Sadly, that film isn't Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, which pummels its attention-nabbing premise into sentimental mush. There are laughs to be had in the mockumentary opening and all-singing coda, but between these peaks we get the gooey trough of Dickie (David Spade) bonding with the family he 'hires' to give him the childhood he never knew.

It's all in aid of Dickie gaining the life experience he needs to win a juicy role in Rob Reiner's new picture. As we see in the mock-doc overture, our hero spent his early years in front of the cameras on a 70s sitcom called The Glimmer Gang. But then his success waned, his mother went AWOL, and Dickie became addicted to wearing gloves. There are the makings of a dark satire about fame and failure here, but helmer Sam Weisman (who made the Martin Lawrence laughter famine What's The Worst That Could Happen?) swaps washed-up for wishy-washy when he hits the suburbs.

"SHOP-WORN SLAPSTICK"

Likeable performances from surrogate mom Mary McCormack and frantic agent Jon Lovitz aren't enough to go on when the rest is all shop-worn slapstick and syrupy lessons in the kind of love that celebrity can't buy. Saturday Night Live star Spade has his moments, but he's too smart-aleck and smug for you to care whether he regains the limelight.

Still, it's worth sticking it out for the end credits, where a gathering of real-life former stars wail the has-been blues (including grown-up Brady Bunchers and Diff'rent Strokes' Gary Coleman). Feisty, funny and foul-mouthed, it also takes away some of the cheesy taste of a wrap-up that'll have you praying you never hear of Dickie Roberts ever again.