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Most of us have been separated from our friends during lockdown, longing for the normality of a face-to-face chat or even a hug. But how can we ensure we are being a good friend? And for those who have felt particularly lonely whilst stuck at home alone, how can we make new friends?

For the second installment of our practical How to guides, broadcaster and beauty expert Sali Hughes, and Radhika Sanghani, a freelance journalist and novelist, shared their best friendship advice. We heard tips on how to make, keep and politely shed friends, how to navigate the trickier times, and more…

“People say, ‘Well I’ve got enough friends, the books are closed, I’m done now.’ And I understand that impulse if you do have really great friends,” says Sali. “But I do think it’s not a particularly good way to think about the world. My books are always open. If I meet somebody and I’m enchanted or intrigued, then I pursue it because I feel like when you’re sick of meeting other people, you’re sick of life in a way.

“There’s always a vacancy. It doesn’t happen very often because of course we’re busy and our time is taken up with the people we already know and love, but there have been occasions where I meet someone really special and I make room.”

“It is possible to make new friends as an adult,” adds Radhika. “You have to be vulnerable to make a true connection, and be able to talk about the difficult stuff. I’ve made a new friend during lockdown, who is a girl who lives in my building. We just met sunbathing in the garden one day and I told her I felt lonely and sad. So we started being vulnerable with each other and that’s the reason we have become so close so quickly.”

“Consciously make more of an effort to spend time with people, whether it is loitering for an extra fifteen minutes to talk to them, or actually suggesting you spend some time together,” says Radhika.

“Then let it happen naturally to see if you have the connection. Me and my friends have this amazing theory, which I’m obsessed with. The way we think about it is, ‘Are they a plus two, a minus two, or a zero?' So when I see them, do I come away feeling better, worse or just... meh? It’s not saying this person is good or bad. It’s about, ‘Do they fill me up? Do they drain me or do I feel nothing after I see them?’ That’s how we gauge to see if we feel a connection with somebody. If it becomes a burden it’s not a ‘plus’ friendship. It shouldn’t feel like homework."

“I do like the WhatsApp thing because it’s little and often,” adds Sali. “You don’t have the stress of that huge download when you see people and you have to catch up. A WhatsApp approach allows you to just check in little and often, wander away, come back and you still know where they are.”

“One thing I’ve really come to learn in my friendships is to find out what someone needs,” says Radhika. “A question I always ask when someone tells me something quite difficult is, ‘What do you need from me? Do you need advice? Do you just need a hug? Do you just need me to listen?’ It just helps you do the right thing for what they need in that moment.”

“When my father died I certainly had friends who were prepared to sit and chat and cook and do all of the stuff that you’re meant to do,” adds Sali. “But I had one friend who phoned me every single night to talk about Big Brother, and that’s all he did. It was routine, it was caring, it was kind. Those sorts of friends are really underrated. We imagine girls must have these friends who go through these very visceral, emotional episodes. But actually some friends just check in and that’s really meaningful.”

“It’s really important to be honest,” says Radhika. “This might sound a bit hippie and woowoo, but I’ve got really into ‘speaking my truth’ lately. Which is just thinking really carefully about what I’m saying and only offering something if I actually mean it. Also, being really careful to not tell people what to do. It can be tempting to say ‘do this’, but I’ve learnt that doesn’t go well. Try to take a bit of a step back and talk more about the feelings of the situation and how the issue is affecting them.

“I can say to a friend, ‘You’ve been AWOL recently, is it me or are you just busy?’ And I know she could tell me straight that, ‘Something you said didn’t sit right so I’ve been chewing on it’, or ‘No, I’m just up against it with work’. Like being in a couple, you have to communicate, and talk about little things or they can build up.”

“I had one friend many years ago who ghosted me,” adds Sali, “and would never tell me why she was cross. That was much more heartbreaking than having a show-down. I’d rather be given the opportunity to apologise and do better. You have to ask yourself, ‘How would I want it to be if it was me?’”

“You get to a point with some friends where there is a huge disparity between the amount of effort you’re putting in and the amount of effort they’re putting in,” says Sali. “You have to weigh up and think, ‘Is this a price of admission I’m prepared to pay? Do they give me enough in other ways that I’m prepared for the fact that they don’t love me in quite the way I need? Am I loved in the right way by other friends? Is that enough? Am I actually really fed up and is it time to let it go?’

“I do think you almost have to treat it mathematically. There are some friends who are really close friends, but we only ever talk about television, and that’s completely fine because I have other friends who will stay up all night crying and talking. To take a kind of ‘portfolio’ approach is often the more plausible way to think about it. Don’t expect your friends to be all things at all times. Weigh up whether what they lack can be made up elsewhere.”

Listen to broadcaster Sali Hughes, novelist Radhika Sanghani, and comedian Jenni Eclair discuss friendship on Woman’s Hour. You can also follow us on or @bbcwomanshour.

Read the first instalment of our practical How to guides, ‘How to: Change your Career’, here.