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How To Destroy...Gwen Stefani

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Fraser McAlpine | 16:31 UK time, Wednesday, 6 February 2008

How To Destroy Gwen Stefani

NOTE: If you're going to strut about onstage with a hoover bag on your head, you must accept the (remote) possibility that you will one day find yourself sucked into said hoover bag, leaving your ridiculously painful-looking shoes all dangling. It's one of those 'live by the sword, die by the sword' situations, only with hoover bags instead of swords, and destruction instead of death.

Now, sucking people up into hoover bags is clearly a very irresponsible thing to do, not to mention mean-spirited and rude. So you'll need to have a really good reason to do this to poor Gwennie. And no, 'I just really want to', doesn't count.

No the kind of reason I'm talking about is one where Gwen instructs her harajuku girls to form their own army, and they then start invading countries which have a poorer sense of personal grooming and fashion than Gwen herself. Burberry tanks would roll into the capital cities of unfavoured nationalities such as Luxembourg, Greenland and Derbyshire, and their populations would have to deal with a new and merciless regime, intent on forcing the people to wear tweed plus-fours and tank tops at all times. And that's just the girls.

Under circumstances such as these, and these only, it would be permissable to dig out the hoover hose, OK?

How To Destroy Other People...

Comments

  1. At 12:21 PM on 07 Feb 2008, Leanne wrote:

    UNFAVOURED NATIONALITIES!

    I live in Derbyshire and we wouldn't take kindly to being forced to were tweed and tank tops lol :D

    [Well then, I think you know what you must do. - Fraser]

  2. At 11:45 AM on 18 Feb 2008, Adam aka AJ wrote:

    I'm a citizen of Derbyshire, not naturally, but politically.. Personally, if anyone forced me to wear tweed and tank tops they'd find that there would be more than being sucked up into a hoover bag

    I think you would find we have a much more fashionable sense than your bitchy ass you m*

    My friend Leanne (as commented above) will throw knives at you =D

    Peace love and aids!!

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