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I'm in a right old sulk. I've seen a post on a message board this week what calls me "Gary's groupie". I am NOT a groupie. I am a disciple. In fact, if anything, I'm more like a wife to Gary. So is Julie. If Gary was an Arab man he'd have married Julie and me by now. He'd have to take turns in our boudoirs. And let me tell you, he'd be an exhausted Arab man by now!!!!! Oh to be born in Arablands.

I've never wanted to be an Arab before this moment but do you know, I'm off to Mecca right this minute (and by that I don't meant the bingo!) Do you know, I was a virgin on my wedding night to Bernard. In those days you just held hands. Our wedding night wasn't so much a disappointment as bloody catastrophic. I've not tried it again since. I've got three children. I don't know how they happened. I do sleep a lot though and Bernard is very light on his feet.

The Making of Bellamy's People of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland: Episode Three MY CHARITY WORK
I'm a fun bubbly person. I'm bouncy (and by that I do not mean fat, although granted, I do need to shift a couple of pounds. Julie says, "couple of stone more like". Cheeky moo!). I do a lot of wacky sponsored things for charity. I've done sponsored walks, runs, shoe wearing - I wore a different shoe every ten seconds. I didn't get much done that day! I once did a sponsored fart. I raised so much money for charity the local paper called me The Girl with the Golden Bum! I've done a sponsored breathe. I've done a sponsored pickle - I pickled everything I found, including the cat! I could pickle anything and get away with it! I did a sponsored lamp post stroke where I stroked every lamp post I passed. It was very therapeutic actually. Send in your ideas for sponsored things! Nothing blue please. This is a family website.

STEVE RIDER
As well as the great Gary Bellamy there's also room in my heart for the great Steve Rider (right). He's a bit like an older Gary but a Gary what stayed on at school longer and paid more attention in class. If you want another "birdie" Steve, I'm your woman!

Being British
Last week on Bellamy's People they were all talking about what it means to be British. Well, I'm really proud to be British. I love the Queen see. I've asked to run her website an all. I've got some great ideas for it. . She could do with a pop-up clown with a banner what tells the latest news - I've put that on your site Gary! I wrote to the palace but I've not heard back. In fact I've written to a lot of people to do their websites. Gary's the only one what responded.

Ta ra for now. Keep sending me your posts and piccies. I particularly enjoyed Leslie Dunn's pictures of her holiday in the Peak District. Oh, and Brian Brains of Braintree (I don't believe that's your real name) if you could stop sending me pictures of you in your pants please! I only want pictures of you with your pants OFF in future please! Tee hee!

Bellamy's People is on Thursdays at 10pm on Ö÷²¥´óÐã Two. Read more from superfan Patricia, BP's director Ben, and Gary himself here on the blog.