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Amazing what you pick up at conferences

Michael Crick | 16:15 UK time, Monday, 4 October 2010

It is amazing what you pick up at conferences; just take this story about crabs.

Many of the things you hear at conferences are utterly unprintable, but my source has given me permission on this one.

The former Conservative MP Jerry Hayes tells me that as an 18-year-old he picked up a bout of crabs.

His father advised him that the best cure for this ailment was petrol.

So, the young Jerry poured a good dose of petrol over his private parts, and, rather misunderstanding his father's advice, was about to light up with a match.

Fortunately, his future sex life was rescued when the phone suddenly rang.

Once he'd dealt with the call he realised that a match was not quite the answer.

And Jerry Hayes always was quite an inflammatory politician.

Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    BLOGDOG

    Can we have a 'complain about this comment' facility on all Crick posts?

  • Comment number 2.

    What absolute rubbish Crick. And we PAY you for this trash?

    It's not funny, edifying or insightful.

  • Comment number 3.

    Anything but the boring same old same old; keep on informing us of how
    inept and idiotic politicians are Crick.

  • Comment number 4.

    I'd thought you were joking, but when I searched the net, I fould the following cure for craps:
    The only cure for genital herpes is this:
    1. Get a big vat of petrol, preferably kerosene.
    2. Remove your pants.
    3. Place your genitals in the kerosene. Splash freely.
    4. Set the kerosene on fire.
    5. Burn away the skin that is infected.
    Voila! Herpes gone!
    So, the inflammatory Jerry Hayes should have become inflammed...Well...maybe not. For those of you gulliable enough to believe this crap, plase take note:
    Seriously, there is no cure. A drug called Valtrex may limit outbreaks. Lysine seems to help control symptoms.

  • Comment number 5.

    an old army cure was blue unction and a change of sheets...worked everytime....so they tell me

  • Comment number 6.

    Another cure might be to review his parties policy on Child Benefit which is sure to curb his urges.

  • Comment number 7.

    Can we complain about Michael Crick? His door stepping or Tory (and I'm not one) politicians at conference today was juvenile and so unenlightening. Are you just obsessed with yourself and making yourself the story. great entertainment, zero for newsworthiness. How much are you paid for Ö÷²¥´óÐã3 juvenile comedy

  • Comment number 8.

    This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

  • Comment number 9.

    Jerry used to regularly feature on James Whale's radio show (over 10 years ago and I can't remember the station) after his stint in Parliament. I can vividly rememeber one show where he stated (on live prime-time radio) that the MP's expenses scandal was the biggest Westminster scandal not to have been found out. He then went on to give a number of examples including the second home blag. And still nothing was done about it!

    Thereafter they all colluded to pump up the biggest housing price bubble this country has ever experienced. Well...the rest is, as they say... history!

  • Comment number 10.

    Anyone notice the contrast between the Ö÷²¥´óÐã's coverage of the Labour conference and the Tories ? You might think the Beeb is biased in favour of Labour.
    And this is what we pay our licence fee for on pain of imprisonment.
    Scrap the TV tax and flog off the Ö÷²¥´óÐã. The massive savings will help stimulate the economy.

  • Comment number 11.

    ....and you believed him, didn't you?

    You journalists just haven't a clue, have you?

  • Comment number 12.

    '11. At 10:43am on 05 Oct 2010, stanilic wrote:

    ....and you believed him, didn't you?

    You journalists...


    Easy Tiger. Let's not get ahead of things, here.

    I believe we are talking a market rate-talented 'things folk who may or may not matter, and may or may not be identified may or may not tell me' noter-downer.

    There is another thing as we are in Trade Descriptions Act territory.

    If permission given (why being another, possibly more educational story on the mindset of those who see themselves fit to represent), then I struggle to see how it comes under 'My guiding rule is that in any story there's usually something the politicians would prefer the world not to know.'

    Mind you, there is that 'usually'.

    Speaking personally, in my little part of the world there was not much about this I needed or would wish to know, authorised or not.

    Barry... your No. 1 about covers it. Maybe Helen B. can add this to the gene pool to add even more value to what we get for our £3.6B, inc. pensions?

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