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The Ouch weblog's very own Lady Bracknell, who always has a good nose for disability stories from all corners of the world, sent me a link to from the US city of Cleveland. And although it's a story from thousands of miles away, it's about a subject that's close to every disabled person's heart, no matter where they're from - yes, it's those non-disabled people who park in disabled parking bays. Grrr. Must. Keep. Calm.

However, rather than just report on the parking abuse, NewsChannel5 went one better and actually went out with a camera to film these people and ask them why they were parked in a disabled space. The video makes for some great viewing. Watch 'em squirm!

Best response: "It's for my son, but you know what? I'm having back problems, I'm going through therapy. So, I'm kind of applying for it." Er, right.

Now, Crippled Monkey will freely admit that the scurrilous gossip of the weekly newsletter is a bit of a guilty pleasure in the Ouch office (in other words, don't tell anybody that I'm reading it on work time, OK?), but occasionally they do get a sneaky bit of disability-related gossip in there.

This week, a Popbitch reader reported a sighting of David Blunkett (yep, we were wondering where he'd got to) at an exclusive London eaterie. It seems, however, that the Blunkmeister's ever faithful furry mobility aid, Sadie, didn't quite realise what kind of posh nosh place she was in:

"David Blunkett was having lunch with Rebekah Wade [editor of The Sun], Trevor Kavanagh and another man from The Sun. During lunch Rebekah got up to go to the toilet, which prompted the other three men to start whispering together. So no-one realised that at that moment Blunkett's guide dog popped up and ate Ms Wade's Yorkshire Pudding from her plate."

Aw, but c'mon! Crippled Monkey says: let's be fair to Sadie. It could just have been that she was finding the conversation round the table really, really boring.

Oh, and elsewhere, Popbitch reports the following fascinating fact-ette:

"Half of American presidents from 1789 to 1974 suffered from a mental illness at some point in life."

Really? Is this true? Any knowledgeable Ouch readers out there care to hunker down with an encyclopedia for the afternoon to confirm or deny this? I'd be fascinated to know more . . .

Audio games have finally cracked it. The numbers game which has been taking the world by storm - and I don't mean Countdown - is, at last, blind friendly. It's not a cumbersome board with wires and pegs, or something Braille-related - no, it's an accessible computer game version of Sudoku.

is an accessible version of the popular puzzle game. In case you didn't know, Sudoku is a logic-based placement puzzle, invented by a blind mathematician in the 18th century.

This accessible version is free, the key commands are dead simple, and there are enough sounds and graphics to rival the best of them. So if you want to know more, check it out on the website.

Yes, with only two years to go until the Paralympics are held in Beijing, the city is gearing itself up to be to the athletes.

What are they actually doing? Well, for a start off, they're planning to train at least 1000 people in sign language interpretation, so that "each small to mid-sized shopping mall will have one translator and big malls will have one on each floor". (Um, the article doesn't go into specifics about whether these interpreters will be trained up in all the different sign languages, but let's assume they've thought of that.)

Another 30,000 volunteers are being recruited for the Games themselves, and they're expected to "receive training on physical and mental conditions of the handicapped, sign language and recovery skills". (Not entirely sure where the "recovery skills" bit fits in with thousands of incredibly fit disabled athletes descending on the city, but maybe something's gone astray in the translation.)

Particularly intriguing is the concept of "special tunnels for the handicapped". Because, let's be honest, which of us hasn't yearned for a special tunnel to call our own? (Disappointingly, these are less romantic than they sound: they appear to be a method of crossing roads safely.)

All this plus a crack squad of "seeing eye" dogs, 30,000 metres of modified pavements, and many public toilets becoming more accessible. Ouch trip to Beijing in 2008, anyone?

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If you tend to sleep in late on Saturdays, be sure to drag yourself out of bed at a decent time tomorrow morning, because the immensely popular deaf drama series Switch is back for a fourth series. Airing at midday on Ö÷²¥´óÐã TWO, the five half-hour episodes promise to provide more dramatic cliff-hangers than you can shake a stick at.

Take a look at the Switch website, where you can find story updates, character profiles, behind-the-scenes gossip, photo galleries, plus a quiz in which you can discover which of the show's characters you most resemble. And if you simply can't wait 'til tomorrow, here's a sneak video preview of what's coming up in series four: broadband | modem (requires RealPlayer).

Ouch's UK readers are going to flinch at the use of terms like "mental retardation" in but, discrepancies between US and UK use of language aside, it would be hard to criticise the You and I programme whose goal is to "develop social skills that could eventually lead to dating" for learning disabled 20-somethings who live with their parents in Manhattan. As the programme's co-ordinator, Bobra Fyne, says, "It can be tough for parents to realize that their children are adults who are ready ... for relationships".

This week's session was a pre-Valentine's Day party; there was a Christmas session on gift-giving on a budget; and the group is planning to take a picnic on the Staten Island Ferry at sunset soon.

Sessions usually begin with "an hour devoted to a 'social-sexual' curriculum with sections on feelings, body awareness and self-perception as well as some sex education" and end with an hour of dancing.

You and I's president, Philip Levy, says the programme exists because, "People need to feel that they belong, that they're a part of a community. That they're part of a relationship or relationships, and all of that contributes to a sense of self-esteem, to a sense of pride, to a sense of well-being." And you really can't argue with that.

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So this isn't the first time that the fiendishly addictive numbers puzzle Sudoku has been mentioned on Ouch - a few months back, our very own Liz Main 'fessed up to the possible mental health benefits of trying to put the right numbers in the right boxes - and now a new Ö÷²¥´óÐã quiz show is looking for Sudoku players.

Sudo-Q is a new, fun and exciting quiz show presented by Eamonn Holmes. If you're a fan of Sudoku, enjoy general knowledge quizzes, are lively and outgoing and can put together a team of 2 people, then you might be just who they're looking for.

If you're interested in taking part, and are over 18 years of age, call 09011 110 849 (calls cost 25p) or email your name and phone number to sudoku@bbc.co.uk.

There's a new email funny doing the rounds - look out for it in your inbox - which shows examples of the worst album covers ever. Forget yer Kaiser Chiefs or yer Coldplay (ooh, I'm so down wiv da kidz, me), these are record sleeves that are so cheesy that they're almost Wensleydale. So Crippled Monkey was surprised, as I flicked through the slideshow while laughing loudly, to discover a couple of items of crip music history.

First up, does anyone remember an album called, er, Truly A Miracle of God by the Reverend Alberta Baker, whose chosen pseudonym was ? No, I thought not. Anyway, the album, which looks like it was made some time in the 1960s, sports a cover showing the swingin' Reverend - who, as the name implies, didn't have any hands - groovin' away at her electric organ. Looks like it could be something for your grandma to listen to, frankly.

The second album sleeve that grabbed my attention was another example of 1960s Christian music, this time by an all-women threesome called, er, . Sadly, it seems that despite their "inspirational group vocal material", they never quite hit the heights of other female trios of the era such as The Supremes or The Ronettes. But there is a sticker on the cover proclaiming that the record is "heartwarming", and The Braillettes have even managed to notch up a . So that's nice, then.

OK, I admit it. This isn't exactly "phew, rock 'n' roll!" material, is it?

On the 15th and 16th of March, Colchester Museums play hosts to the Dis:cover! conference. This event will focus on attitudes towards disability and heritage, whether disabled people feel history is relevant to them, and whether they feel part of it.

A variety of speakers will attend, including disabled actor Mat Fraser, talking about his research into "the social construct that is disability".

The hidden histories of disabled people, and disability in film, are also part of the programme.

The conference costs £50 per day, or £85 for a two day booking. Email
bookings.information@colchester.gov.uk for more ticket details.

For more information on the conference itself, check out and click on 'What's On'.

So what on earth is the up to?

With yesterday being Valentine's Day, and Crippled Monkey being busy opening all the cards sent to me by my admirers, it rather slipped my notice that the RNID chose 14 February to announce the celebrity winners of their first ever . Yes, that's right - Ear of the Year.

And since you're wondering - because I just know you are - from a short list of 5 men and 5 women it was decided that singer Charlotte Church has the sexiest pair of female ears, with Doctor Who actor David Tennant taking the title for the men.

What slightly disappointed Crippled Monkey, however, was the lack of sexy deaf ears in the shortlist. Where was See Hear presenter Clive Mason, for instance, or percussionist Evelyn Glennie? I think we should be told.

Still, if you reckon you've got, er, damn sexy ears, now's your chance - because today marks the start of the search for the nation's sexiest pair of (non-celebrity) ears, with the general public being invited to send in a picture to the RNID for judging. Regional and national winners will be announced on 15 March. I'll certainly be entering - in fact, my ears are already completely bare and ready for their (artistic) close-up. Mmm.

Here's an interesting contribution to the never-ending debate about language, and what the 'right' terms are (or aren't) for various impairments: . And how was he insulted? Well, a member of the hospital staff called him 'visually impaired' rather than 'blind' - something about which the man at the centre of the story, 71-year-old pensioner Charles Parsons, feels most strongly:

"They told me they needed to ask me some questions about my incapacity. I was asked if I was visually impaired, to which I replied, 'No, I'm blind'. Then she said she was not able to use the term 'blind', just the term 'visually impaired' . . . Impaired vision and blindness are different things: there are a lot of short-sighted, one-eyed people out there, but they aren't blind. I've no objection to being asked what is wrong, but I will not stand for having my disability played down. It's insulting."

But that wasn't the end of it. Oh no. Mr Parsons then tried to book hospital transport, but was instead asked if he could drive. Hmm. Clearly not a man to mince his words, Charles pointed out: "How the bloody hell can I drive if I'm blind?"

It's all very well Ouch! running Kissability competitions; publishing the top ten disability Valentine love messages; and encouraging its message board users to complete lovey dovey verse with a disability twist. It's easy to get equal access to all the hearts and flowers stuff in cyberspace. But what happens when you're a wheelie and you want to take your wife out for a romantic, candle-lit meal on Valentine's Day?

Well, apparently, if you live in Milton Keynes, you can either attempt to feel all loved-up in the harshly-lit ambience of your local pizza parlour, or you can . Douglas and Jan Campbell have been married for 31 years, and both love fine food and fine wine. But - as you can see from their faces in the photograph which accompanies the article - they're disappointed that they won't be able to access MK's gourmet restaurants. (Lady Bracknell used to live in Milton Keynes in the days when it was fondly referred to as 'The Concrete Cowpat'. She doesn't recall it being awash with gourmet restaurants then. In fact, she used to go to Bedford when she wanted to eat out. Clearly, things have changed in the last ten years. They've got an Ikea now, and everything. But she digresses . . .)

So, Douglas and Jan will be staying in tonight and cooking something special. Which is fine if that's what somebody wants to do for Valentine's Day, but they don't. They want to have a meal out.

Is that really too much to ask?

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Remember the Routemaster - the double-decker bus that was an 'iconic' image of London, which was finally taken off the road back in December? Remember the wailing and the gnashing of teeth amongst the hordes of spotty bus anoraks who, as they wiped a tear from the corner of the eye, seemed to implicitly blame all those silly requirements of accessibility for causing the demise of their beloved Routemaster? I mean, why should disabled people want to be able to get on buses anyway, eh?

Well, smell the irony of this story, then: . Yep, one of those familiar Routemasters has made its way to Malaysia, where it's soon going to be travelling from town to town as a mobile clinic offering free prosthetic services "for the handicapped", courtesy of the British charity organisation Hapee. And since the driver is a wheelchair user and the people who will be visiting the bus are disabled, the vehicle has been "specially modified".

Crippled Monkey's devious mind is whirring away now. So if this bus has been specially modified for use by disabled people, does that mean that all those Routemasters could have been modified too, so that they could have stayed on London's roads? Oh dear, I'm almost beginning to feel sorry for the bus anoraks now . . .

A quick heads-up about a programme worth tuning into tomorrow evening (Wednesday) on Ö÷²¥´óÐã ONE at 7.30pm, as the landmark documentary series Child of Our Time concentrates on Parys's Story.

Parys is the only child of disabled artist Alison Lapper. It's been an extraordinary year for them both. In September 2005, artist Marc Quinn unveiled his enormous statue in Trafalgar Square of Alison, pregnant with Parys. Alison has been thrust into the media spotlight as an "icon of disability and motherhood", but what is the reality of her and Parys's life together?

Oh, and while you're about it, take a look at the Parenting website's fantastic new Parenting Video on Demand service, accessible from the Child of Our Time homepage. Not only does it have lots of broadband video offering parenting tips and advice by topic and by age, but you can also watch episodes from all five past series of Robert Winston's Child of Our Time.

Éù Ouch link: A couple of years ago, Emma Bowler spoke to Alison about parenting and taking part in the series, and the full article is still available on Ouch - Child of Our Time: Alison Lapper.

Come 'ere and pucker up for Crippled Monkey! Mwah!

Er, sorry. What I meant to say was that for Valentine's Day and all things romantic and lurve, Ouch is proud to bring you our latest competition: Kissability (kissability = sounds a bit like 'disability'. Did you see what we did there?). We're asking you to send us a photo - either by email or post or via your mobile phone - of you and your partner (or whatever pet names you have for each other, bless!) sharing a lovely romantic kiss. Oh, and tell us a little about yourselves, too. The best kissing pic we receive (as judged by Ouch's snogging experts) will win champagne and roses - because we're romantic like that.

But you've got to get a kiss-on - er, I mean, a move on - as the closing date is next Monday (13 February) at 11.00am. Go on, let's shock some of the doubters who can't even begin to believe that disabled people might actually lock lips occasionally.

Get yourself over to our Kissability page, check out the rules, get your camera or mobile cameraphone at the ready, and get kissing!

We're back to Japan again for a rather shocking story about . The Toyoko Inn in Yokohama, which was completed in December 2005, complied with the city ordinance when it opened in so far as it had both an accessible guest room and a disabled parking bay. Inspectors came out on the 27th of December, saw that everything was fine, and granted the hotel an operating licence with effect from the 5th of January. So far so good.

However, as soon as the hotel had been granted its licence, it was "renovated". The accessible room has been turned into an ordinary guest room and a linen room, and the parking facilities (which included the mandatory disabled parking bay) have been turned into a business room and a smoking area.

Norimasa Nishida, the President of the Tokyo Inn company, has admitted in a press conference that he approved the request to remove the disabled parking bay so that the lobby could be extended last September, in full knowledge that doing so would violate the Building Standards Law. He says he didn't know that the disabled hotel room would also be removed, but the "room was rarely used in the first place and he had approved similar changes at other hotels operated by his company".

(Lady Bracknell is not entirely sure how a conclusion can be reached that the room was "rarely used" when it appears only to have existed for about two weeks, but there you go.)

Now that this has come to light, the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure and Transport will require all municipal governments to inspect Toyoko Inn hotels across Japan for evidence of similar "renovations". Meanwhile, the Yokohama hotel is being returned to its original state . . .

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There's a lot going on campaign-wise at the at the moment, and here are just a couple of things that you can do or get involved in.

First up, as part of , which is all about putting disability at the heart of public policy, they're asking people to take part in a consultation on the . This is to seek opinions about whether it would be desirable to change the DDA's definition of disability, broadening it so that the law provides protection against discrimination on the grounds of impairment, regardless of the level or type of impairment. This would make the DDA law more similar to the approach of other discrimination laws.

There are many more details about what the consultation is all about - plus the questionnaire itself, available in a number of different versions - on the DRC's page, if you want to take the chance to make your views known.

Meanwhile, have you seen the DRC's "Are We Taking the Dis?" advertising campaign? I caught sight of an absolutely huge poster at London's Embankment station at the weekend, which appeared to stretch half the length of the platform (OK, I'm exaggerating, but only just). This new campaign, which runs throughout February, aims to highlight the unfair treatment, poverty and exclusion experienced by disabled people - and if you want to shout about it too, you can extra large versions of the advert to stick up in conpicuous places.

Jeff Steinberg, a.k.a. the Tiny Giant, is more than a conqueror. "He lives the life of an overcomer", it says on his . (Lady Bracknell does not know what "an overcomer" is. Indeed, she is far from convinced that "overcomer" is a real word. But she accepts that Jeff has every right to call himself whatever he likes.)

"Jeff teaches that '. . . God makes the impossible - Probable!' He lives it everyday - he demonstrates everywhere he goes that, 'A handicap is anything that keeps me from being or becoming all God designed for me to be!' Spend an hour with Jeff Steinberg, and you will soon realize for yourself that 'You're a Masterpiece in Progress!'"

Hmm. Anyway, Jeff was born with "no arms and badly deformed legs". He appears to have spent his entire childhood in care, finishing up in The Good Shepherd Ö÷²¥´óÐã for the Physically Handicapped in Philadephia. He met his Messiah through "the love of a local Christian couple" and has spent the last 30 years travelling more than two million miles around the world "delivering his very special message . . . that each person is wonderfully created in 'God's unique design,', with potential they never even dreamed possible."

Mrs Jeff, who travels and ministers with her husband, "brings a heart for hurting women". Whatever that means.

If you want the Steinbergs to pray for you or your loved ones, there's a handy you can complete. Plus, of course, if you feel moved to support the Steinberg ministry financially, you can either use the site's "Donation Opportunity" page, or buy some of the merchandise. And who wouldn't want a "Something Special from Jeff" CD?

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