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The first thing I note about introducing myself is that I'm finding it a bit difficult.

I am somewhat changed from the person I was three years ago, which is when I became disabled. And yet blogging and communicating with people online have been an integral part of me recovering at least some aspects of myself, and progressing towards acceptance of my disability.

When I entered supposed 'care' systems the whole experience threatened to take over my life completely. Now I don't play ball so readily. I only see professionals who are just that. Those who understand my impairments, and at least attempt to understand the weird and wonderful place I call my mind. Yes, that's mine. Hands off.

According to the medical profession I have a bewildering array of syndromes and disorders. According to my sage of a psychotherapist, the medical profession IS a bewildering array of syndromes and disorders.

They do like to make it hard for themselves, don't they? I suppose it's called justifying a fat salary. Me? I don't like doctors. But I am liking getting my life back.

I started my blog this year, just ahead of separating from my partner of ten years. Great timing! The aim was for it to be a little corner for beautiful things. A den. A safe place. Only now as it develops I find myself writing about the stuff I am trying to escape from. Ugliness. Systems. Isolation. Things that frustrate. Gosh, feelings even. And the whole process has started to unravel into a more direct discourse on disability.

Words that spring to mind about blogging: Enlightening. Moving. Entertaining. Thought-provoking. Challenging.

I generally have more respect for people online than those I encounter in real life. But then I can't get out and about much so the balance is tipped more into meeting people this way. I have witnessed the ordeals of others, and shared their laughs. Partaken in parlour games, and pondered things I would never have otherwise. Taken part in carnivals, posted on message boards and Blogged Against Disablism.

It wasn't so very long ago that I was unable to write a shopping list. Now I find myself with a guest spot on the site that really was a beacon for me in the early days, when I had no voice and no power to write. And alongside writers who were giving me my strength back before they even knew it. I am truly amazed. I am thinking that you probably are too. How was this allowed to happen? Who is this rambling Seahorse?

Okay, I'll wrap this up.

Life is better these days. I am writing again. I paint very badly, am keen on photography, and (saving the best til last) have a wonderful son and almost equally wonderful cat. Oh, and I do battle with health and social care bods along the way. And try to stay sane. I keep it all sticky-taped together over at The Beauty Offensive. Here? The state I'm in some days, who knows? But heck, I'm here anyway.

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