Counting the years
- 28 Jan 08, 1:23 PM
I was talking to a friend and fellow M.E. sufferer the other day and she mentioned that she’d just passed her 10 year ‘anniversary’. That is, 10 years of being ill. It struck a note with me because I too am heading towards the 10 year mark. I was diagnosed in February 1998 when I was 13 years old. Thank goodness that no-one was able to tell me then that I’d still be here this far down the line. A couple of years in I was informed that the average length of the illness for someone struck down in their teens was 5 years. Harumph. Man, I wish I was average! It was probably only a couple of years ago that I finally came to realise that in all likelihood I’m never going to get rid of this illness. Barring some sort of miracle I’m just going to have to get used to living my life bound by these restrictions.
In some respects I can’t really imagine what it would be like to not be ill! Sure, for the first half of my 23 years I was fine and dandy (ish) but I can’t very well translate that experience of health to today. Being a healthy 8 year old is rather different to being a healthy 23 year old!
When I was diagnosed with M.E., Celine Dion was No 1 with My Heart Will Go On and petrol was a mere 60p a litre! Time flies when you’re having fun! Strangely I remember that my feeling upon being diagnosed was of relief more than anything else. I’d been ill for months beforehand and no-one had been able to tell me what was wrong. Finally I had an answer for my friends, teachers etc. Although in truth, one of the most frustrating things about M.E. is actually the lack of answers available. M.E. raises more questions than you can shake a stick at. Causes? Don’t know. Treatments? Don’t know. Prognosis? Don’t know. Thanks guys, most helpful.
10 years eh? Bah. It’s just a number. Bring on the next 10! Do I sound convincing?
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I had a party to celebrate my 10 year mark. December 07.
What did hit me was when i realised that i had been ill over 1/3 of my life officially. Although it is more like 1/2 because noone took any notice of me at first.
But i have done a lot of learning over the past 15 years. Most of it other people would not count as productive learning but i have learnt that
1. noone cares about me like i do
2. If i feel crap the rest of the world continues regardless and i just get left behind
3. I am the best person to advise myself on how to conduct my life, after all i do live with myself 24/7
4. Medical science doesnt have the answer to everything and just because someone says there is nothing wrong doesnt mean there is.
5. You should have respect for a doctor that tells you they arent able to cure you or make you better. The best GP i ever met just gave me a hug which worked better than anything else i had ever been given
6. When they tell you you well get better in 2 years and you have already been in for 5 they are lying.
7. I can only be happy if i do things for myself and not to please other people.