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The Best of Victoria Wood (according to Victoria)

Back in 2009, Victoria wrote a list of her favourite moments from her seminal 80s series - As Seen on TV - intending to use it as a compilation show of self-selected best bits. The list remained locked away in her personal office until now.

Below is the 37 sketches handpicked by Victoria herself.

1) Opening titles of As Seen On TV

Victoria and Julie Walters play daytime presenters Margery and Joan

2) STAND UP: RADIO INTERVIEW
Victoria doing stand up – gag about turning up to appear on radio show and presenter not knowing who she is

3) IN THE OFFICE
Sketch Victoria and Julie Walters as office women – talking prudishly about sex, phone rings they answer it "Hello family planning clinic".

4) CONTINUITY (BLACK & WHITE TELEVISION)
Susie Blake as news reader intro-ing Acorn Antiques, saying she’s off to mend the dispenser in the ladies loos.

5) FILM CLASSIC
Pete Postlethwaite northern kitchen sink drama joke about ‘whippet getting wet, caught cold and died’ (B&W).

6) MARGERY & JOAN
Victoria & Julie Walters as daytime TV presenters, later demonstrating new idea for stopping drafts and noise at windows – brick them up.

7) A SIMPLE NORTHERN BOY
Victoria at piano singing ‘I’m just a simple northern boy’ with brass band.

8) ACORN ANTIQUES
First Acorn Antiques. Miss Babs marriage to Mr. Bob called into question. Continuity announcer's voiceover advertising Acorn Antiques.

9) KITTY
Kitty's (Patricia Routledge) tips for a long life and good health

10) SWIM THE CHANNEL
Victoria as Chrissie – ‘Swim the Channel’.

11) KEEP RIGHT ON SHOPPING
Musical number set in a tearoom ‘shopping all day long’.

Patricia Routledge as the inimitable Kitty

12) CONTINUITY (OBESITY)
Susie Blake as newsreader, overweight gag and joking about having mopped up her tea with a kid’s painting.

13) TURKISH BATH
Victoria and Julie Walters in steam room with bikinis over clothes.

14) DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET CAPTION INTO SONG: “KNOCK KNOCK”
50’s pastiche musical number ‘knock knock knock on your knocker’ (B&W).

15) YOUNG LOVE (WHERE SHALL WE LIVE WHEN WE’RE MARRIED?)
Carl & Gail at bus stop talking about when they get married.

16) DEPARTMENTS PERFUMERY (MUGGING)
Celia Imrie in department store, sprays a sample onto Duncan Preston and says it’s "anti-mugging spray".

17) A FAIRLY ORDINARY MAN
A Fairly Ordinary Man with Jim Broadbent.

18) KITTY
Kitty in an evening dress drinking sherry chatting.

19) ACORN ANTIQUES
Mrs O turns out to be Berta’s mother and Trixie takes up Holy orders.

20) CONTINUITY (ROW WITH BOYFRIEND)
Susie Blake talks about mauve slacks.

The Making of Acorn Antiques

Victoria's landmark mockumentary of the making of her classic soap Acorn Antiques.

21) GIVING NOTES
Julie Walters as leader of an amateur dramatics’ society putting on production of ‘Hamlet’ – issuing notes to individuals in group.

Actress Susie Blake as As Seen On TV's continuity announcer

22) STAND-UP: FLIPPING OUT
Victoria doing stand up routine featuring... stopped by police / train full of weird people / gets plane flipped out / wakes up in an institution / escaped to TV studio / getting coach home.

23) SPAGHETTI
Victoria and Julie Walters having dinner together in an Italian restaurant. Julie Walters talks about home life, waited on by salacious waiter.

24) TELEVISION CLASSICS / CORONATION STREET
TV Commercial for set of videos – Coronation St parody (in B&W) with Julie Walters & Victoria.

25) THE MAKING OF ACORN ANTIQUES

26) AT THE CHIPPY
Musical number – 80s version of a 50s pastiche.

27) SUPERMARKET CHECKOUT
Supermarket checkout with Celia and Victoria as check out girl.

28) KITTY
Kitty discusses a bring and buy sale, reincarnation and regression.

29) CONTINUITY – (WALLY WALLABY)
Susie Blake talks about a birthday parade with "wallaby hops".

30) ACORN ANTIQUES
Clifford has a secret to reveal. Plus, Advert for products and touring costume exhibition.

31) THE TROLLEY
Two businessmen are trying to have a lunch meeting but are constantly disturbed by the waitress.

32) SHOE SHOP
Victoria is attempting to buy shoes from assistant (Julie Walters).

33) WAITRESS!
Celia Imrie and Duncan Preston as a couple in a restaurant ordering lunch, Julie Walters as doddery, old waitress.

34) SELF-SERVICE
Victoria & Julie Walters are shoppers in a canteen queue. Julie Walters is complaining about everything that’s on offer and the people around her.

35) CONTINUITY
Susie Blake introducing the final episode of Acorn Antiques.

36) ACORN ANTIQUES
Final episode of AA.

37) BALLAD OF BARRY AND FREDA (Let’s Do It)

Get the lyrics for Barry and Freda

Ballad of Barry and Freda (Let's Do It)

Victoria Wood performs 'Let's Do It'.

More Victoria Wood