主播大秀

Sorry to have been away so long, but you know how it is.
Whinge number one. Midges at Rackwick. Camping seemed such a nice idea at 2 o'clock friday afternoon after a dreadful days work. Well it all got worse with the midges. Hurumph.
Now is it me or do our world leaders, and I use the phrase guardedly, do the come across to you as a pretty useless bunch? Apparently the chinese and the russians vetoed the resolution for an arms ban to Zimbabwe. Nothing so touchy as finance or trade but not even an arms ban. The selling of guns and such like. I know I am just a simple chap and don't realy have a grasp on world affairs, just what Humphries and co. tell me on the Today show, but heaven help us surely guns is the last thing anyone should be sending to that poor country. I do try to lay my predjudices aside concerning China and Russia, and look for a their saving grace but but God in heaven, do they just not care?
Is G.B. going down the pan? A simple question deserving a simple answer. Sad to say but I think yes. The old country has failed to keep up with the advances of science and has not put enough investment in encouraging and nurturing the kids for tomorrow. The schools are short of science and physics teachers, presumably because they in turn were not encouraged, and now the panic is beginning to show as we start to lag behind such "third world countries" as india china and iran. Yes iran, apparently they have more physics university students male and female, than we do. What do we invest in? Heritage, preserved coal mines and steel works so the tourists can see what we used to do. Heritage and preservation, 'spect this crowd of political charlatans (of all parties) will be giving us tax breaks to dress up in national costume for the non existant tourists. Hmm thats right, when there is an economic downturn people cut back, you know on things like holidays. "But thats all we do now " I hear you cry "we are G.B. Land, with degree courses in the hospitality industry" Splutter splutter cough, I'll give you "hospitality industry" industry is something with a sodding great chimney on one end and lorry loads of useful stuff coming out the other end, not colour co=ordinated jacket and trousers with hat and scarf to match. "Great" Britain, Great? we don't even make push bikes anymore! ( No, Raleigh assembly bikes from bits made abroad and hope that the deluded patriotic home market will think they are buying British, as will the the happy motorist when he purchases his new chinese M.G. sports car)
Look I do apolagise, and I will go and sit in a darkened room until nursey arrives with my medication, but after having grown up and worked in a country that was more famous for it's cars, motorcycles and steamengines than it's culinary delights it does make me want to spit!
Recommended listening:- Jollity Farm by the Bonzo Dog Do Dah Band
Well dears it's pip-pip, Sparkie

So with the usual knee jerk news headline grabbing illconsidered policy making we have come to expect, anyone found carrying a knife will, a) be locked up (Tories) b) will be marched off to a victim in hospital (Labour)
Questions:-
1) Wot anyone?
2) Wot anywhere?
3) Wot any size knife?
4) Tories, Do we have the prisons/room/staff?
5) Labour, Who will keep the list of victims, liase(sp) between hospitals, arrange transport, escort thug,?

Hello and nice of you to join us, come in and join the body of the kirk.
Last week my horseless carriage had to have it's m.o.t. ( a yearly test to confirm the roadworthyness of the vehicle). Although interestingly enough we don.t actualy have to have one provided the car doesn't leave the island, I do sometimes venture out. anyway having fixed the faults, it failed, all I needed was new tyre and all would joy unbridled. A phone call and yes we can book you on the 11o'clock ferry out and back at 3.15. Plenty of time, approx 2and a half hours by the time I get to town. Yes leave the car and come back in an hour and the tyre will be fitted. An hour passes and the car is untouched, apparently we dont have that tyre in stock. Off to another garage leave it for an hour etc etc.One hour later and the car is untouched, we are just getting round to it now. Finaly get to the place of testing and after all the usual pleasantries I get the ticket and have all of ten minuets to do shopping. What a waste of time. I am getting more and more intollerant of other people wasting what few years of my grim existance I have left. I guess as time passes the intollerance will increase by an inverse proportion to the time I have left on this earth. What an exquisite old grump I will become, can't wait!
Actualy the day turned out fine in the end as a select three of us went for a walk that evening and watched the sun set over the horizen (where else did you think it would set? Ed) sat around a fire on the beach drinking gin. Hmm that last sentance doesn't quite conjour up the right picture.
Now I know some of you won't be satisfied unless I have a bit of a rant so......
Whilst being interviewed about why some company or government body were not going to pay workers more money the bloke said "We have reached the limit of our affordability" With people mangling the languge so is it any wonder I can't eat toast in the morning without choking on it. And while we are on the subject (Grammer, dont start a sentence with "and" Ed) How often have we heard some minister of something say "lessens will be learnt". What do they think it is, a work experience scheme with on the job training? They are meant to be able to do the job when they start, not after they fouled it up a few times Can't imagine you letting your plumber get away with it. British Energy , our nuclear power generating company is to be sold to the French E.D.F. firm ( the french already own London water) I simply can't imagine any sane country selling it's Utility companies to a foreighn(sp) power. If anyone is going to pollute the U.K. with nuclear waste it should be us!
Anyway as the late John Julious Norwich and his cat Persius used to say "and if you have been thanks for listening" (are you sure his cat said that? Ed)