I'M SCARED TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW FOR FEAR IT'S ANOTHER ABNORMALLY BEAUTIFUL DAY.
Eighteen to nineteen degrees today here in central London and then in a couple of weeks鈥
鈥now !
We are living in strange times. Exciting times though. Something has to give. I鈥檓 no history expert but it seems in the past there has been a quest to better one鈥檚 self and the quest has been a more global, desperate struggle than it is today, where people would get up each day and fully expect that their life could be lost by the end of it.
This of course is still the case in some parts of the world but by and large, financial circumstances notwithstanding, most of the world is uncomfortably comfortable.
We have reached an impasse.
I was talking to a man last night, who had been very successful and then he said when he reached a certain age, he literally 鈥渃ouldn鈥檛 be bothered鈥 anymore. He still had lots of energy but decided to put it into his family and his life rather than his work. I think the world has become a bit like him.
We want everything quicker now but we don鈥檛 know why ? Technology is better if it鈥檚 smaller, apparently, I鈥檝e never got that. 鈥淏uy the new i-pod it鈥檚 half the size of the last model !鈥 So what ? The last one was so small anyway I used to lose it all the time.
I think we鈥檙e a bit confused.
So on to global warming and God鈥檚 way of giving us a heads up that we might be going in the wrong direction. Save the planet ! What鈥檚 that about ? The planet will be fine, it always has been. It may have no more humans and polar bears on it but it will still be here. Save ourselves, that鈥檚 more the message.
A nationwide smoking ban comes into force soon but what鈥檚 the point when there鈥檚 no ban on heating up the planet, we are still all totally legally allowed to do things every second of the day that we know will eventually kill off the human race, yet Elsie who鈥檚 smoked all her life can鈥檛 have a ciggy and half a stout in her local pub. There can be non smoking pubs and smoking pubs. There can be staff who choose to work in either or both. How many bar staff actually care anyway ?
Bare in mind I do actually own a pub and it is and always has been completely non smoking. If I want a fag, I go outside, like everyone else.
Yesterday, outside the pubs near me, people were sat out at tea time, nursing their pints in their shirt sleeves. It was genuinely warm. I remember doing the same thing early last November. That means that we can now look forward to, at least where I live, nine months of sunnier, warmer weather.
I鈥檓 looking out the window right now and there鈥檚 not a cloud in the sky, it makes me want to spring out of bed and it鈥檚 put me in a really good mood. Is it just a beautiful spring day, or am I full of beans because I am witnessing the crystal clear overture that is the end of the world, for the human race at least ?
You know what ? I鈥檝e decided not to worry about it.
Although I may read the bible today and brush up on why God sent down the great flood, was it a decisive bit of quality control ? Or was it because Noah had told him he couldn鈥檛 find his i-pod ?
Off to COMIC RELIEF REHEARSALS
Bye bye.
CLP 2007-03-14
x.
Comments
Morning all.
Totally agree about feeling better cos of the beautiful clear sky and sun shining down this morning. Just a shame we're stuck indoors for most of it!
As for technology, well, I think it's all working against me. Small phones mean I text very random messages as I hit about four keys at a time and I can't even go into why my computer keeps crashing due to new improved updates!! We do rely so much on technology these days that it's scary to think back and remember we had to actually use our brains to remember things a few years ago.
Anyway, hope you all have a stress-free, sun drenched day!
Cat x
Can I be the first blogger today?
Chris, please don't talkabout the weather, I'm stuck in my office until 5:30 and like to try and ignore the sun - roll on Comic Relief, thats what I say!
Thank you for playing 'To the end' by Blur last night, haven't heard that song in ages and I love Damon soooooo much that it made me go all tingly. I had to slow my driving down so I could hear all of the song before I got home!
Everyone - have a good day and soemtimes the most exciting things happen when we least expect it - I know - I'm living the dream! :-)
X
Graet Blog today Chris - I love it when you give us all something to think about :0)
Enjoy your day!
xXx
Oooh Chris
Very deep today. Glad its warm and sunny there, at the very least it means the heaters won't have to be put on outside the pubs for those nipping out for a quickie, so to speak. that should help prevent global warming. That means global warming is helping to stop itself, er...I think.
I'm gonna miss comic relief as try as I might, just can't get the beeb through anything here in totally censored Shanghai.
good luck anyway
debbie xxxx
Morning guys
Wow Emily - tell us more - what's the dream you're living???
It's a gorgeous day here too - and although I'm stuck in an office I'm on the 4th floor so have an expanse of sky out of the window to look at all day :-)
Have great ones all.
By the way - that Niall Quinn last night - what a charming man?!!
xxxxxxxxx
Good morning everyone,
A very thought provoking blog today Chris, and while i see your point about the smoking ban (and I hate being told what i can and can't do), the reason I'm pleased about it is that my son is asthmatic, and if he decides to get a bar job in a few years time, its nice to think he won't be inhaling everyone else's smoke.
I'm afraid I do get excited about new gadgets; I think its because those of us in our very late thirties and early forties grew up trying to tape the Top 40 in the kitchen on a great big clunky cassette recorder while our mum's were making the Sunday tea, I still have tapes where you can hear my mum slicing the bread during Wham's Bad Boys, and now I love the fact that I can make a brilliant playlist of songs on my mobile phone in about five minutes, and then play it through the car stereo. It's magic!
Global warming is obviously something we should all be aware of, my kids are so much more clued up about recycling and saving energy than I ever was. I think we can all do our bit, and I actually approve of the Tory party's idea about taxing frequent fliers. In fact I might even vote for them at the next election (Oh my god, did I really just say that?!)
See you at 5,
Em xx
I鈥檓 scared to look out of the window for fear the fox has got into the chicken coop again!
And we, for one, as a family love snow at this time of year! The kids love getting the sledges out! And we might even get some decent local skiing for once.
We are fortunate indeed to live in a country where we are spared the fear of perhaps losing our life or liberty by the end of the day. It鈥檚 just sad that the peace we 鈥榚njoy鈥 today has been built upon the sacrifice and pain and hardship of centuries of conflict and war. Those countries that are looked upon as 鈥榮uccessful鈥 are obscenely comfortable, if you ask me. After all if you look at what we waste day in day out, if this was shared there would be no more poverty. If every single person in the UK sacrificed just some of the material possessions we think we need and gift aid that to charity, think what a difference that would make to those in need in our own communities as well as around the world. And, if every single person in the UK made just a few changes they could have a huge impact on the contribution we are making to poisoning our planet.
Hope you have a good day in rehearsals.
Have to say, that many of yesterdays comments really made me smile!
Hi Chris and the blogettes,
Cool! A meaty topic. :)...
The whole Global warming thing is a nonsense... yes it's getting warmer , yes we have weird weather now and again: so what. When have the scientists ever been right? There are so many assumptions in science, made up rules and constants, that it's impossible for them to be right at any time and they use computers, so forget the science. They have no more clue about the future of this planet than Russell Grant does. Now that the politicians are running Global warming, we can be quite certain that it isn't anything to worry about at all. Politicians never tackle real issues, they're simply but effectively playing on the fact that people are dumb, stupid, panicky creatures. The political side to Global Warming is about control, and it's about money, at all levels. Take recycling of paper, for example. We all do it because, a) we have to?, or b), because we want to? Well recycling paper actually uses more energy than making paper from scratch and puts more nasty chemicals into the environment than making paper from scratch. Recycling paper was introduced in the 70s to save the trees, not the planet. Now that paper is made from sustainable forests ( mainly) we shouldn't recycle it. So why do we? Because it's heavy! Local Authorities are required by law to recycle a percentage by weight of our rubbish: paper is really heavy, so it makes for good "metrics" + "target" fodder. It's less harmful to put paper in landfill... it's mainly organic and is completely biodegradable.
The only worthwhile recycling, is glass, tin, and aluminium cans , anything else is a waste of time, energy and money.
Don't fall for the Political con.
I blame computers and the trust people have in them . People are far too willing to believe a computer prediction, when common sense should tell you what the answer is. How many times have you had to prove something, several times, in writing ( or in person), to a person/organisation, who on the phone and looking at a computer screen said, the computer says you haven't paid your Council Tax. If mistakes are made at such a fundamental level of basic data, how can we ever put our trust in them. Computers are just clever toys and we should regard them that way.
We need to teach people, raw science at school and in University , not how to run a science program on a computer.
I don't understand the fascination with small electronic consumer hardware. Again it's about money ..... you can transport zillions of small things around quite cheaply, a smart bit of marketing .. make small cool, and manufacturing costs are much less.... make small expensive... and profit margins increase...... that's all it's about. Small isn't better Small isn't cool..... We have some speakers from the 80s, the size of Bournemouth, attached to our old Sony Amp - they sound fantastic , a deep rich warm sound , not like the modern small equivalents that require all sorts of electronic massage of the input signal, to make them even listenable.
It's time for Ark B.
Keep smiling
Rachel
x
Mmmm.
I met someone the other day who jacked in a life of high finance for the simpler things in life. They offer spiritual education for nothing less than travel expenses and a cup of tea.
He says the weather at the new year is nothing to do with Global warming but something to do with the Universal Energy.... now I stopped him there, because I've recently taken up Reiki and the effect he was having on my Reiki hand was quite disturbing.
I think he believes its got something to do with 2012 Ascension, which I don't really want to read about but which is not apparently the end of the world... but the re-birth of a new world......
Is all strange eh, but there is definitely something afoot.
DWNB
18- 19 degrees in london! it is freezing here in tenerife!! how very rude i get on a plane for 4 hours and it is wamer back at home!!
as it is raining thought i would just check in on you whilst online.
hope you are all well and enjoy the sun, missy xx
oh yes - and whats happened to the Drive Time Dress?
Chris - quite right about sunny weather. That and daffodils being in flower. Are there any other flowers that make you feel so good. Ah yes, no smoking in pubs, which will make the outside awning and space heater industry very happy - but may increase global warming as a result! Having said that, I was up in Glasgow a month or so ago and it was so nice and noticable how pleasant the atmosphere in the pubs was - they have had a smoking ban for a while now.
Tinsell I agree - what a charmer that Mr Quinn was! Good luck for Friday Chris - logistics - are you going to helicopter from Broadcasting House to television centre, or just be late for the start of CR - or leave your show early? Just a thought.
Mange tout x
Good morning CLP
Did you have a profundity tablet before you went to bed last night? I have to say that I like the way you have pinged all over the place on today's blog - bit like most of the comments that end up on here...usually with a common end or idea...and it suits the way my mind is working at the moment!
I've thought for years that there is a divine assistance in the way the world is run. Another earthquake, another flood, another plane crash etc etc. Then the human race, and all the other races and beings who have come before, does what they always do and did - TRY TO SURVIVE.
Nothing we do now is going to stop 'our' world from ending. It's natural selection. All 'we' can do is to try to live as well as we can, and make the most of the time we are given.
Which brings me to...
...aaaaaah the smoking ban. It's a case of the Iraq war again isn't it. The government not listening the the GB Public. I SO agree with you re smoking and non smoking pubs.
I also think it's maybe time the boy and I started to look for another place to live. We are currently next door to a pub and have a small alley to our house, so I'm really not looking forward to when all the smokers can't fit into the beer garden, spill over into the street, and into our alley.
Didja hear on Tel about the guy who suggested that MPs all took a day off to save carbon emissions. Not only theirs, but those of the entourages and the paparazzi who follow them.
We should all just take a day off. No power, no fuel, no phone, no radio, no nuffink. Just like the races and beings who have gone before.
puffin or dodo
love
hazel
x
Morning All!!
I have actively reduced my carbon footprint by not travelling to my office, unless I have meetings there. I can work remotely, so have chosen to do so and saved at least two hours travelling each day (reduction in stress levels also!), not to mention the cash spent on petrol!
I love days like today - they make me want to get out of bed and DO things! The only shame of it is that the things I want to do are rarely work related!
Technology is great - there's no two ways about it, BUT because of technology, we lead more complex, stressful lives than ever before. I was on the Tube yesterday and in a funk because I didn't have my iPod with me (other MP3's are available...) and realised that we are at danger of sensory overload. There was a man on the Tube, reading a book and listening to his iPod, just as I've done in the past... I got to thinking - what happened to just 'being'? Why do we feel an urgent need to use as many senses as possible at once? What's wrong with experiencing nature, life, the cosmopolitan nature of our cities?
HOWEVER, having said all that, there was a woman on the train home last night that just wouldn't shut up - she loved the sound of her irritatingly, grating voice and boy didn't we all know it! That's why iPod's are great, tune in, tune out!
Have a gorgeous Hump Day all,
S xx.
Oh dear me Chris. You really have been taken in havn't you? Global warming is better described as climate change, the climate is changing and has been continually for the last 4bn years. It will continue for another 5bn then the sun expands into a red giant and will encompass the earth. The notion that we are allowed to continue to do things which are destroying the planets ability to sustain mamals is an erronious one. (bit like god though get guilt in somewhere) If todays glorious day is the fault of mankind it is the mankind that lived around the time of William the Conqueror, not Henry Ford. You see this big old planet takes a little longer to react to the climate drivers that live here than the IPCC computer models "evidence" (lol) predicts. Thats why global temperatures mirror solar activity precisely. Its also why all the other planets in the solar system have heated up in the last 20 years. We may well be entering the sort of warm period that was experienced in the middle ages. For absolutely double certain though we know that one volcanic eruption is the equivalent of mans CO2 efforts over 1000 years and there are no cars on Mars.
In short man made climate change is a lie. No need to go into why but its obviously political and Stalin started it. Proof? You can see its perfectly obvious when TV climate change programmes tell us the sun is irrelavent to climate change. You can tell its all drivel when George Monbiot is continually wheeled out to talk about the latest science when he has no scientific background at all. So long as the troposphere refuses to heat up (fact), so long as the southern ice mass continues to increase by 28BN tons annually as it has since 1950 and so long as water vapour continues to be 99% of greenhouse gas leaving CO2 its junior partner at less than 1%. I am certain breaking out the worry beads over what ammounts to 0.054% of total atmosphere is nothing short of paranoid delusion.
So your right not to worry, not about the climate anyway. I do worry about our lovely countries ability to maintain itself being sacrifced on the altar of Global warming though, because God and man made climate change are the same thing. They depend entirely on belief. Take away belief and what are you left with? God and man made climate change disappear in a puff of CO2. And you know what? I don't miss either of them cos nothing positive came from their existence
JK nonegreen
BTW - China, Russia and the grand old USA individually produce more carbon gases than the rest of the world put together....
S xx.
P.S. The climate was so warm in this country in Medieval times that grapes were grown as far North as York.... The weather is cyclical and there are cycles within cycles....
Hi Chris,
My husband and I drove past you sat outside your pub on Sunday and it was so tempting to stop and have a pint but we were on our way to the comic releif recording of Top Gear, top gear of the pops, it was great, Jeremy Clarkson is so funny and as for Richard Hammond well he's lovely!!
I will be at our local leisure centre on Friady entertainig children for comic releif, we are doing a Molly mooathon.
Molly Moocow is a music and movement class for children from 4 months that two of my friends run.
Anyway have a great day.
Dwarf.
Hi Christoff & Bloggers,
A bit of a double edged sword new technology, I agree with what you,re saying about things like ipods and mobiles becoming too small to use.
But other new technology like high definition pictures is marvellous, the quality is quite breathtaking.
We are part of the carbon initiative and a green company, but I won,t be complaining about 9 months of sunshine who would ?.
Cat @ 1 is dead right about texting on new phones, it is a pain when you hit too many keys All the time, and I,ve got small girly hands as well.
I like these retro tunes you keep popping in Chris, another good idea.
Pottsie.
Hello.... this is my first ever blog. everyones doing it except me. But, no more. I am part of the race. I can now say to my class that "YES, i have sent a blog, and i even did it on Chris Evan's blog page"
It's a beautiful day here too. I teach and can see the sea from my classroom window. Alls good in sunny Devon (no, i don't know Joss Stone)
Rachel,
Phew...have to say I agree with a lot of what you said.
Just remember God told Noah afterwards that he wouldn't do that again. I saw a beautiful double rainbow the other day and it reminded me. Twice.
So whatever is in store for the "end of the world as we know it" it won't be that. So don't waste time building another ark.
Interesting statistic on the news last night. The UK produces 2% of the carbon emissions in the world. We are targetting a 60% reduction. That's a 1.2% reduction. China meanwhile, probably adds that every time they build a new power station which is about every 5 minutes.
Oh and our air travel is a whopping 5% of our emissions. That's 0.1% of the global emissions. But it's growing at a fast rate, they say. So are the Chinese power stations...
So we do lots of little things, feel good about ourselves but make no significant difference. But we are leading the way. We are showing the world what's possible by example. Like we did with slavery and the Empire and we still are with the appeasement of brutal dictators?
Does that mean we shouldn't care though and not bother? I don't think so.
Moose
PS I feel fine
PPS Can't stand small gadgets, my hooves don't fit the small buttons either.
Dear Christophe et al,
How wonderful to be able to see the sun. I have no windows in my office and if the end of the world happened between 8am and 4pm I wouldn't know until I finished work. It makes me very grumpy being unable to see the outside world as I work with a hagrid bodydouble, who although is witty and amusing is not pretty!! Do you know any handsome men who would like to work in a mortuary?
The smoking ban comes into force from today here and I am relieved, as now I don't need to worry any more about people having a sly fag round the back of the imflammable gases store at the rear of our department!
Long may the sunshine on us all.
Pips x
Hey Chris and fellow bloggers
Snow???? Is that true? What will become of all my onions, shallots and garlic bulbs which I've planted out last weekend - this is my first time at veggie planting so does anyone know if they'll be OK if the weather turns wintry again? (This is if the neighbouring cats do not kill them first - they're using the troughs that the veggies are planted up in as a cat toilet. Does anyone have any tips for stopping this unsociable behaviour?!)
Take care all.
Hi Chris
The simple life is best. Don't pay too much heed to the people that just want to make everyone miserable. Every statement of fact is parried by a counter-statement.
Believe in yourself, and you can't go far wrong.
Enjoy the sun, and the day, for what it is.
Jan x
Wendy - am jealous of you on two counts.
1 that you are a teacher (I really wish I'd taken that PGCE when I had the chance) and 2 that you can see the sea, I'm a firm believer in the Sea feeding your soul and feel like I'm missing out in landlocked west midlands!
Congrats on losing your blog virginity
:o) Jo
Wendy - welcome to Blogland - you're in good company here as we're all very friendly and supportive.
Had some bad news gang - I didn't get the job on Monday. The interviewer was concerned that I was willing to take such a paycut and would get bored easily. Frankly, I think that's my business! Nothing in today's job pages either. Have rung all the agencies - nada! Grrrrrr!
I've got a group here this afternoon for a tour of the recycling plant - I'll have to paint on the biggest smile, and act my little heart out when all I really want to do is SCREAM!!!
Off now to phone even more schools ...
CtD x
I think we should all do our bit to prevent global warming, but, I do get the impression that we Brits are lead to believe it`s all our fault. What with talk of extra tax on flying etc. What are China, India and the USA doing? After all this is a global thing.
Having never smoked I`m in favour of non smoking pubs, it means my clothes won`t reek of stale smoke after visiting a pub. Though I do feel sorry for the smokers, I of all people know what it`s like to have an enjoyable, if harmful, addiction!
We don`t nesasarily have to have a warm day to help make a nice day. But a blue sky is a must no matter what the temperature.
Just lent the lawn mower to the bloke at the end of the road, as his is a bit tom and dick.
Been thinking about WORDS. Here are some of my favourite:
plop (does just what it says on the tin!)
splodge
glitz
hauty
semantics
bohemian
glib
soliloquy
exestentialist
discombobulate
bubbly-verve
ascroponious
(any Italian words)
(any French words)
And for all those training for the April 2007 London Marathon - GO, GO, GO, RUN LIKE THE WIND.
I wanted to be a pilot when I was young, alas not to be. But I still have a strong interest in planes and aviation.
For those that like poetry this is a great poem written by a Spitfire pilot, entitled High Flight.
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee
No 412 squadron, RCAF
Anyway, my inner self is calling, feed me, feed me. Time for lunch.
Martin
PS Guys, girls and Chris, I`m still off the sauce. Taking each day as it comes.
Morning/Afternoon - depending on your timezone!
Hope all is well. It's a nice day here too - not as nice as London I'll admit! At least you can sit outside with a pint and have your ciggy!
There's a problem with the smoking ban I've noted since it came in play here a few years ago. So no-one is allowed to smoke indoors, not a problem, good idea. So now the smokers head to the door - or in some of the more 'classy' places, under a patio heater in the front of back of the pub. But the patio heaters give off a lot of CO2 into the atmosphere - so which is worse? Catch 22!
Anyways, lunch time beckons so I'll ponder on this a bit more.
Till tomorrow or thereabouts,
Tickle
PS - Hazel - thanks for the resounding welcome back! I did try your tip about getting a red nose, but the bloke in the pub gave me a black eye instead. So now I'll be launching a new charity called Panda Relief - or even more apt, "My Eye hurts so much I need some...Relief"
john 15#
"....In short man made climate change is a lie."
I couldn't agree with you more.
If you like me, saw the programme about climate change on More 4 a few nights ago, you will realise that all this hype and furore about carbon emissions and our carbon footprint is purely a political device used against us and developing countries.
To all those who agree with the governments policy on CO2 etc, explain these facts:
In the 30 years following the war there was an industrial boom period, not just in the UK but in Europe and USA, huge new towns, factories etc etc So you would think that CO2 emissions would go through the roof, guess what, they actually went down until the mid- 1970's. Explain that one!
Secondly, the earth's temperature is cyclical, check the temperatures over hundreds, thousands or millions of years, cyclical. This current temperature spike is just another upswing on the graph, exactly the same as those before, and the same as those in the future.
CO2 is a miniscule proportion of the greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere, greenhouse gasses themselves are a tiny amount of our atmosphere, they arent responsible for climate change.
Did you know that the leaves falling off trees, cows, and the oceans all contribute more CO2 emissions than humans.
Just a few bits and bobs for the "lets reduce our CO2 lobby" to answer, if they have the time.
rant over, i'm calm!
Bloggers, hope you're all having a great day, I'm having a "lets get stuff done day", its great, been busy, feeling alive, and I'm about to go out and see if its warm out there, in the North East, hmm, one can hope!
TTFN
Joe
Glasgow Commonwealth Games in 2014.
As you know, Glasgow will be applying to host the Commonwealth Games in
2014. What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go
to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2014
to boost Glasgow's bid. A copy of these changes has been leaked, and is
reproduced below:
OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of
Castlemilk, in the traditional dress of Burberry baseball cap and a
white shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned
police van situated on the roof of the stadium.
THE EVENTS
In previous Commonwealth Games, Scotland's competitors have not been
particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the
events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes :
100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in
each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police Dog will be
released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.
110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden
fences, Walls etc)
HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use
(claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most
physical damage within three attempts.
FENCING
This event shall be sponsored by Cash Converters. Competitors attempting
to off-load their stolen goods can choose two separate 'pitches'
from Paddy's Market, The Barras and selected pubs in Ballieston, Riddrie,
Drumchapel and Easterhouse. After discreet representations from other
'traders', given the potential for confusion pitching on street corners
is forbidden and will lead to immediate disqualification (and possible
recording of the registration plate of the "buyer".)
SLICING
This event will be loosely based on the traditional Olympic 'fencing' as
opposed to the variation described above. The contest shall be based
outside kebab shops and clubs between the hours of 2am and 4am on a
specified 'Saturday night'. Competitors will provide their own hardware
and it is a free-style event. The winner shall be the one who leaves
'Accident and Emergency' in the shortest time.
SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first
target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors
will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages
delivery man.
The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of
either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the Glasgow University bike shed
and takes an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his
first trip away from home. All against the clock.
CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the
Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.
MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joyriding,
underage drinking and arson.
SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one
is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised.
Please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will
comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the
pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by
"Belle & Sebastian".
THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.
MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot
guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Glasgow,
especially anyone that appears to be mincing.
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the
"Govan Health in the Community", anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock
throwing, and music by the Dennistoun community choir. The flame will be
extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch
invasion by confused Old Firm fans.
The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes
break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating
boiler.
Hi all,
Much as I adore snow, I have to admit I'm all for a bit of global warming - it's almost impossible to be gloomy when the sun is shining and the sky is blue - makes the world a much happier place :o)
I do all the recycling and being environmentally conscientious, but that's only because I care about the planet - it doesn't mean I want it to be colder! I work in a coldstore and am freezing a lot of the time, plus I have a reptilian love of heat and always have cold hands and feet so anything which warms my world up is bliss - bring me a hot stone to bask on :o)
Hope you are having a happy, sunny day x
Chris,
Just stumbled across your "Blog" entries - very interesting - you should write a book! - good luck with the Comic Relief show - unfortunately I'm going to be stuck in Brixton Academy watching "Arcade Fire" through half of it!
Cheers Dude,
Ross Gordon
And anyway.
The World's Oceans produce more C02 than any of us put together.
Is all balderdash, but the Mother Ship will be here any day to save us all.
DWNB
HUSBAND:
>>Definitely not!
>>
>>WIFE:
>>Why not - don't you like being married?
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>Of course I do.
>>
>>WIFE:
>>Then why wouldn't you remarry?
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>Okay, I'd get married again.
>>
>>WIFE:
>>You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>(makes audible groan).
>>
>>WIFE:
>>Would you live in our house?
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>Sure, it's a great house.
>>
>>WIFE:
>>Would you sleep with her in our bed?
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>Where else would we sleep?
>>
>>WIFE:
>>Would you let her drive my car?
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>Probably, it is almost new
>>
>>WIFE:
>>Would you replace my pictures with hers?
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>That would seem like the proper thing to do.
>>
>>WIFE:
>>Would she use my golf clubs?
>>
>>HUSBAND:
>>No, she's left-handed.
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a
loud
>>> pounding on the door...
>>> The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing
>>> in
>>> the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
>>> Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the
morning."
>>> He slams the door and returns to bed.
>>> "Who was that?" asked his wife.
>>> "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
>>> "Did you help him?" she asks.
>>> "No. I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is
pouring
>>> rain
>>> outside!!"
>>> His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago when we
broke
>>> down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and
you
>>> should be ashamed of yourself!"
>>> The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out
into
>>> the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still
>>> there?"
>>> "Yes," comes back the answer.
>>> "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
>>> "Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.
>>> "Where are you?" asks the husband.
>>> The drunk replies, "Over here on the swing!!"
A blog book! A book of blogs and chosen star replies!!
What a brilliant idea!
DO IT!!!!
Maybe a character list of the most prominent bloggers or testimonials of how they came to blog, losing their bloginity for the very first time, and how they have helped others in the 'community living' way that this has grown into. Knock-on stories, as it were.
There's a family essence to this blog, and it owns an attractive fluidity and a real sense of an organic nature all of its own. maybe this is the next step?
Guten Tag one and all
Technology well I love gadgets and things however Televisions they just get bigger and bigger taking over peoples lounges with speakers everywhere ..
I have just been sent an offer from Sky. I'ts for a Huge Plasma TV screen with Venda 主播大秀 Cinema, whatever that is. But the best yet,is it comes with a remote dimmer switch for your big light.
I suppose next they will have a popcorn dispenser.
SUSAN #22 - Orange or grapefruit or lemon or lime peel. Cats don't like the smell of citrus fruit, so it will act as a repellant. You need a fairly good sprinkling 2/3 times a fortnight, so you'll need to get everyone eating fruit and drinking gin, but you'll need nets to keep the birds off too!
...and Steeeeevie fae - you have had me in pieces - SUPERB. Favourite has to be 100m Sprint. Sublime.
Martin - two more for your list. 'Fuzzy' and 'Peach'
Am just off to ignite my cigarette with a magnifying glass...back in several hours...
love
hazel
x
CtD - sorry you didn't get the job but it's obviously not the right one for you. Believe in yourself, it will all happen at the right time, as long as you keep trying. Go Girl!
Martin James - great words, especially plop ha ha ha.
Moose, :)
Ark B was a reference to the Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, where all the Golgafrinchans were to be sent off into space, in one of three Arks that would save their species from predicted certain doom. Programed to arrive ( crash land) on another planet, the B Ark, with all the useless and stupid people( telephone sanitisers, lawyers politicians etc) , was launched first. Shortly after take off, they lost contact with their home planet and never heard from it or the other two Arks again. :)
Keep smiling
Rachel
x
PS ... love your webpages
I think Ive read more sense about global warming on this blog today than in all the press over recent months! Whatever happened to common sense? It's not that long ago that the "scientists" were worrying us about global cooling; if that had turned out to be a fact how many of us would genuinely have believed that we could reverse the cooling by driving a few more miles, taking an extra holiday abroad and leaving the telly on standby! No-one. Clearly man has had an impact on the planet but its more a black eye than a killer blow.
Don't get me wrong many of the "green" policies are commendable and enhance our lives - anyone who has witnessed the brown fugg that hangs over our cities on a hot still summer day will agree that cutting car journeys will have its benefits. But lets be honest about it and stop pretending that has any to do with climate change.
Martin - good words - others might include
gravy
unbutton
lush
delicious
cult - I once mispronounced this word and used a different consonant instead of the l - I'll leave it to you to work out what it was. Needless to say it took me about 3 weeks to stop laughing and am giggling now just remembering it.
Wendy welcome.
susan - yep citrus fruits should get rid of the little blighters.
ciao x
Cheryl - so sorry you didn't get the job, don't give up looking........
Martin - other good words include:
Evenlode
Saskatchewan
Chortle
Crepuscular
Hullabaloo
Happy Hump Day
Peni xx
Hi. How wicked you were on your show this evening! (Wed) Big Bamboo wot r u like!!! poor nick will get arrested! Also r u meddling in shopping affairs? Splish and Splosh - bet all who heard will think twice about eggs from now on! Can see the headlines now! made me laugh though, sometimes its good to be a little wicked. Stay safe
M
I HAD A VERY NICE TIME ON MY bIcYcLE tOdAY AS i SPUN DOWN TO THE GARAGE TO PIK uP mE cAR wHat was sik but better now afTER alL d mONey THat was stUcK inTO iTS ExhAUSTIE pIpe.
I got up at 6.30 am and put on me lycra and headed off up the mountains past two of the lovliest pubs you are likely to see in Ireland.. the Blue Light and Johnny Foxs then down into post box village Enniskerry and off down to wikerla.. the sun was bright and the voices quiet in me head and there was a calmness not normally associated with me ..
then fella me lad the day turned to shit! .. Thanks for ReADinG thIs..
YOU kNOw It HElps.. Richie
Rachel 39
I just laughed out loud. The B ark was as you described, but who would be on it if we had one sitting in orbit ready to go? The way to five co-ordinators perhaps? Now what about the real end of the universe which of course is a time called the coming of the great white hankerchief? Perhaps we could model it using a giant supercomputer.
Christoph
Blog-free today as I was having my plc chip fitted.
And blog-free tomorrow as I will flick the switch on the chip and wax lyrical about numbers all day in a crucial, top-level meeting.
Great fun.
Mrs MfR's birthday tomorrow, so assuming aforementioned laugh-a-thon finishes at a sensible hour, we'll be out for a ruby in the evening.
That's A ruby, as opposed to a ruby, ruby, ruby, ruby (other Yorkshire 80s throwbacks available).
And then ARF, CR and a quiet weekend without a snow-capped mountain in sight.
'till tomorrow
MfR
PS Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh eternally
Hello everyone.
CLP is right, we shouldn't worry about it, that is the one thing that won't make a blind bit of difference to anything, the sad thing is we will be losing another really British thing. The Great British pub. It just won't be the same.
Where will all the ashtrays go?!!! Onto ebay of course as a collectors item, all that remains of what was once a great British tradition!!
JK Nongreen #15 and Joe #28....
Beautifully written.
Chris,
I've mentioned it to one or two people who also appreciate your radio show, but your 'tone' seems to have changed recently since the time you missed that odd-day a couple of weeks ago.
Unrelated, and going further back in time, I listened intently whilst you were at Radio One and, through poor quality reception, at the start of your show at Virgin. However, the purchase of the station seemed to significantly affect the edge you had and I, admittedly, tuned off. You were no longer the epitompy of the 'shock-jock' character. Your rejuvenation at the start of your Radio 2 stint exuded an intense effort on your part to entertain.
Johnnie Walker is one of my faves, not least by being a Midlands lad, like myself. I was saddened to hear he was stepping down at Drive time, but enlivened to hear that it was you taking his place. Johnnie always appeared to present with a significant amount of integrity (as opposed to some other 'big show' Radio 2 DJs "hey love you...love the show..." I'm almost sure that makes you cringe, and I sense it when the previous show overflow of listeners contact you believing that's what you want to hear).
I hope things are on the level with you. Personally speaking, I lost my Mother to Cancer last year, both suddenly and without warning. Please excuse this admission, out of the blue, but it is occurrences such as this that often make us rethink our purpose and goals in life.
Sean
Greetings!
Well CLP there is no doubt you think deeply about stuff and are clearly searching for something. I suspect that the drive time show isn't it but I hope I'm wrong in that. It entertains me greatly - as does the blog. However, you are not at the end of the journey by a long way.
Not that I have ever ever tried it, or would at this stage of the journey, but have you ever thought about going on retreat? I was thinking about that programme "Monastry" where those very different men went for a long-ish retreat. I suspect you would do it for a show like Heaven and Earth but you definitely need to find your way and a bit of contemplation sounds like it is needed. You sound as if you are nearly there but just need a nudge towards what you want and it isn't material.
Anway, just a thought.
TTFN
Greetings (again)
By the way, if you were to try it, Buckfast Abbey is great - you could get involved in the herb garden (fantastic!) Think of all those recipes you could help Nige with! I'm sure they'd love the publicity!
TTFN (again)
Morning everyone,
Chris - just a thought for when you are away, how about asking your stand-in to write the blog for a few days? I'm not sure who it is, but it would be interesting to see what someone else has to say.
Em xx
Hey all - it's Thursty Thursday already - hurrah!
Thanks to everyone offering me virtual hugs on not getting the job ... I know there will be others and I've got to stop sitting in my portacabin crying. I just find the whole thing really frustrating - my heart literally sinks the moment I arrive at the gates every morning. This morning was no exception ... I decided on a bit of Simon & Garfunkel to get me the 26 miles up the road to hell, and just as I got to the turning the song "Honeward Bound" came on the CD - talk about irony! Anyhoooo ... moving on ....
Martin - you sound like you're going great gnus - well done you! Other great words?
It's rude but one of my fave words is b*s. It always has me in stitches ... possibly because of the image it conjures up ..... (will probably get BP'd for that!)
Others .....
Chuffin'
Dandy (as in fine and ..)
Glib
Bauble
Piffle
Amore (esp. when sung by Dean Martin)
Like MfR I too have to go to a meeting today but I should be back in portacabin land by 11. Apparently there's a really nice bakery i nthe village where the meeting is, so if things go bad I'll be queueing for a cake before coming back here!
Right, best get on - gotta do a report for said meeting - yikes!
Laters!
CtD
Dear Chris,
I'm here in Brighton working by the seaside. It's sunny, everyone's happier and I can't see what's wrong with that. The seagulls here are unnaturally huge, mind, but I suspect that may be something in the chips rather than any environmental changes.
Chris i'm in the horrors poor old Elsie not able to have that smoke! I have recently decided to give up due to the smoking ban coming in, if there was a smoking pub available that would be great i could start again!!
Well..WeLl... wELL..all I have to say is..
Thanks God for that..
that was really lovely today.. another FurBaLL in the delight thAT IS ME LIFE....
i WOULD JUST LIKE TO ECHO cHRIS'S SENTIMENTS REGARDING THE WORLD AND nOAHS ANTICS..
A GOOD FLOOD WOULD SORT OUT A LOT OF ME PROBLEMS as the man called Pete said to me while Leaning On HIs sWIngy GaTE.. 'rICHIE' he Said 'AH SURE IT'LL BE A PEACEFUL END TO me' when he was referring to the long standing feud he has had with the local countrywomens association and apparently now don't quote me on this they are screamin mad out to get him over the unfortunate incident with the drug supply.. its a mad world I say loOking out at me window at the sun shining and how wonderful the world is from this angle with me head up me arse...
thanks for reading this you know it helPS!!
gave up smoking four days ago and hate every one and every thing. and was getting chickens at my new house months before you mentioned the plasy eggloo.chickens should live in wooden sheds with straw.cant be arsed to say any more
Chris
You say 篓a nationwide smoking ban comes into force soon but what鈥檚 the point when there鈥檚 no ban on heating up the planet篓
These things aren麓t unrelated. If all the pubs buy patio heaters in response to the smoking ban, we麓ll be heating up the planet a lot quicker.
Anyway i麓ve made a website about this www.patioheatersareevil.com the title really explains it and I麓d really like it if you had a look.
Thanks
David Lilyvick