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New Years Resolutions suck! Normally I make a couple of half-hearted promises then promptly forget about them. But this year we were discussing resolutions during first footing and I ended up writing mine down, which makes them real…. Blast! Goals have to be realistic so I realistically decided to start my resolutions when I went back to work. Then I delayed them till Monday as the weekend was so close and I still had first footing to finish. So here are my resolutions:

1.Stop prevaricating (yes I know but am definitely sticking to it from the 9th)

2.Go on a strict diet and get my bikini body back (I’ve got a layer of winter insulation that has to go. This one is non negotiable)

3.Do fat burning exercise for an hour at least five days a week (essential part of the weight loss)

4.Keep my accounts up to date (I hate the panic when my accountant visits)

5.Stop smoking (This is the easy one as I went off cigarettes ages ago and keep forgetting to smoke anyway)

6.Stop drinking alcahol completely for one month (apart from the Burns supper obviously. This will also help with no.5 as I only remember to smoke when I drink and no.2 kick start)

7.Get my website finished before February (This refers to no.1)

8.Only date suitable men (this is the least likely to last as my taste in men is appalling)

9.Only go out one night a week (don’t know how long this one is going to last but will help massively with all of the above)

10.Don’t let a certain basket weaver anywhere near my laptop, especially after a bottle of plonk.

If it wasn’t for the fank I would’ve renounced all men forever, got a cat and started wearing my bra outside my jumper. I would also have made my goal to be thin to be June as there’s no need to be seen without my thermals any time before that but I’ll bring it forward to increase my chances of trapping a victim… Ah, er.. I mean making a good match. I’m counting on the matchmaker as I have an unerring knack of choosing the most pointless, feckless, spineless wasters, no one could do a worse job of it than I do. With stiff competition like Annie B, Granny E, Chrissie Mary and Trevor I’ve got to be looking my best. So keep those beauty tips coming on Annie B’s blog.

The reason Julie is banned from my laptop is that she came over to help me eat the non-diet items and drink all the left over booze to remove all temptation in time for Monday. We had drunk all the wine and were onto the beer when she decided to show me the jute floor covering that she’s thinking of for her lovely new house with the indoor bathroom. She used the computer for all of five minutes but when I booted up this evening my lovely Dougie Donnelly screen saver was replaced by Michaelangelos’ last supper and I can’t get rid! Here I am about to put myself through hell and every time I open the laptop I’m going to be faced with Jesus and his frock wearing cronies filling their faces, knocking back the booze and partying on! Do you think that’s funny madam? Is this revenge for making you help drink the port? Which in the cold light of day I’ve realised that Port won’t go off in a month.

Come on then, lets hear everyones’ resolutions?