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Stephen was asking about a dating service for the isles. He may not be aware that there has been a great deal of hard work going on over on the Western Isles pages. Here's Callumannabels' latest blog regarding the Match Making Fank but to get a real flavour of what this extravaganza is about have a look through Annie Beag and Callumannabels' December archive. I promised to promote the fank over on the Argyle & Clyde pages:

72 Days to go!!! Schedule for Day One

Several of you have put Donald and I under more pressure to reveal details of our Sprintime Dating Festival at the South Dell Fank Site. We announced the event on this blog in mid December so anyone new to the site can check back through this entry for the full gory details. Donald made a mistake with the original calculation of the days as he used a Continuing Church Calendar which of course has no Sundays in it. So 72 days is the defintive total - we've checked with Pope Gregory. In just over 10 mweeks - it's game on!!

DAY ONE Delegates arrive Stornoway. Men on Isle of Lewis or Eilean Ledhais for those using subtitles. Women will arrive in the luxury containers fitted out for their every convenience on the MV Muirneag. Both vessels will be met by the Keose and District Calor Gas Pipe Band who will play outside Quickfit on Bayhead. There will be a demonstration of drunken behaviour outside the Criterion Bar to welcome the visitors followed by a tour of the cells at Stornoway nick.

For those arriving by longboat please park at the mouth of the Galson River by the Galson Twinned with Talahassee sign. Do not park on the double yellow lines as it upsets the poachers.

From both sites there will be a shuttle tractor service with hostess trolley on each trailer and services of a guide ( or brownie if we run short) There will be an in trip movie to deaden teh boredom of the Barvas Moors

9am Men register at Cross PO
Women register at South Dell PO where festival packs will be given out. Men get free set of North Star overalls and women a fetching complimentary black tabard top from JD's. Anyoue with confused sexuality is welcome to wear a hospital gown. Visitors from Arran are repectfully asked to remove thir horns for the duration of the festival to save dmage to bedding and to one another. Free CD of the Proclaimers tribute to Calum Kennedy, a book of Lofty Peak recipes and a copy of the Monthly Record ( a must for all record buyers ) make up the rest of the pack along with a packet of Marac Crisps.

10am Charity Plastic Guga race from Dell Bridge to the Mill. Celebrity starter Nel Gunn. 拢1 entry - all profits to Alcoholics Unanimous c/o Eoropie Bochan.

11am Fank Site: Drive Past of Red Arrows PO vans and bicycles complete with vapour trails. (The Red Arrows appear courtesy of Alan Leighton) followed by a world record attempt for a game of Postman's Knock while the lads are available on site. Every women and consenting male is guaranteed to get at least three five second snogs during the course of events. This is the ice breaker for the grand opening and book signing by Jeremy Godwin at Noon.
The Galson Cannon will give a gun salute depending how much explosive Donald can purloin from the contractors at Callanish Airport.
NB Foreign delegates arrive Day 2 - no reason why they should get the best talent is there?

12.15 Committee receive bouquets, speech of thanks from Annie Beag, bouquets for BoB Sunny and the Dame woman from Auchenshuggle before they get first crack at best talent

13.00 Lunch Canapes by MacLeod of Euopie and Emporio Alan John Lionel with lecture '101 things to do with a Paris Bun' from Gordon Raasay chef from The Fat Duck at Brue.

!4.15 Introduction to Head Matchmaker Carlos the Jackal Kennedy MP ably assisted by Sir Bobby Robson and Denise Robertson. This will be signed for the hard of hearing and the drunk. All will sign autographs before ......
The ten men and women who have been single the longest will be matched up and taken to a seminar in Cross School entitled ' Pull yourselves together it's time to make a joint claim for Income Support' lead by Maureen from Stornoway Jobcentre Plus.

15.00 Tea dance sponsored by Strewbacks with Goujons of Guga Puffin wraps and a crowdie dip.

16.00 Tractors take everyone for an informal trip round the 'I can't believe it's not guga' factory at Habost. Plenty of tastings and new lines to try cormorant , Uist hedgehog fulmars and peawits to name but a few. Alka Seltzer provided by Boots of Skigersta.

1800 Back in the tractors to the fank site for huge 'Break the Ice' dance featuring tribute bands The Callanish Stones, Gulls Aloud and Arnistein Lighthouse ( Love grows where my Rosemary Grows etc) and the ever trusty Three Macs. Dance round the bonfire, cuddle behind the peat banks, try out a few chat up lines and generally Strut Yer Stuff.

Dancing till 1am but at 2200 hrs we welcome the celebrities going into the Big Brother Bochan for the week. Little Jimmy Crankie, Tom Hanks, Miss Hooley from Balamory and Mary Doll from Rab C are booked so far - other suggestions of course welcome.

Carriages and tractors at 1300 to deliver people back to their longboats, tents, or hovels.

Well what do you think of that bloggers fort an opening day? Give us some feedback as there's still time to add things or change a thing or two.


Posted on calumannabel at 16:44