主播大秀 ISLAND BLOGGER BARNEY (from Swithoid) SAILS INTO COLL At his own peril !! Tee Hee
Posted: Friday, 25 July 2008 |
主播大秀 Island blogger arrives in Arinagour Bay, Isle of Coll..... and...
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Well, well, well,
He promised it for long enough, and sure enough he did it !!
Sailing from Sweden to Coll
surviving raging storms
huge seas
and one or two pea soupers,
Finally, unannounced, he arrived on my doorstep
Barney from Swithoid, arrives on Coll.
I was sat at my laptop, reading an email from Carol from France,
In my granny's nightie, hair agog, no makeup, and Immac smeared
under my nose, (you've been there girls, I know you have)
Yikes, crikey moses, who's that walking past the window in a yellow suit.
Too late to hide behind the sofa, has he seen me, No, No, No!
Quick dash into the shower, Immac removed, I poke one eye through the crack in the door.
"Gud morneen Squidgee", says a voice in a strange Scottishy/Nordic twang,
"Ahm in the shower" I cried, the penny dropped who it was.
"I'll be back in 15 meenits" says the voice from the step.
Holy Macaroni, 15 meenits, sorry Minutes...
Shower, right, take nightie off first,
hair, yes shampoo it
Clothes?
Right what fits? Nothing? they've all shrunk in the wash
Tick, tock, tick tock,
Shove all the ironing in the cupboard,
Wash up quickly,
I'm like a scalded cock
a headless chicken,
I should have got dressed
Be prepared, the Scout's Motto
No time to argue with myself
My head is spinning
Oh gawd whot's to do..
Anyways, Barney and his first mate, Henry from South Africa wait in the garden. The weather is miserable. Oh what a shame, I so would have liked to have shown Barney around Coll when the sun was out.
As we drive around in my trusty Warrior, Barney cautiously slips on his seat belt. He thinks I haven't seen him but I have. I become nervous, what if they think I am a bad driver.
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They speak excellent English, and only rarely break into Swedish, Barney asks if I am from the Midlands, I say, No, Yorkshire, can't you tell.
he can't, but I am.
After a tour of the island, we jump into the dinghy and have tea aboard the sailing vessel. It rolls about, and I feel a bit queasy, Barney and Henry, have soup and cheese, and some Swedish hard bread - Knackebrod
Barney offers me a shot of Whisky, but as you know, I don't drink.
The boat rolls even more, My stomach goes one way, and I go another.
I say that I have to get back to the dogs and ask to be rowed ashore.
Later, I joined the guys in the Hotel for a lovely meal, and we had some really good company. It was a splendid evening.
I wrote a little ditty for Barney to make him laugh (or cry more likely). I asked if I should put it on Island blogging and he said yes,
so here it is.
Based on the Owl and the pussycat nonsense verse...
It is obviously complete and utter nonsense but it gave us a laugh in the pub, after a few drinks that is...
Oh and by the way, it's not cheeky either and if you think it is, then all I can say is .....It's all in YOUR mind.....
Barney and Squidgy went to sea,
In a beautiful PEE green boat
They took some booze on their afternoon cruise
in the hope it would keep them afloat.
Barney looked up
to the black clouds above
as he sang to a small guitar
"Oh Squidgy you're sweet
In fact you're unique
But I'm rather put off by
the sight of webbed feet
Said Squidgy to the sailor
"You're a wrinkly old dish.
and I'm not here for the NOOKIE
I just want to fish".
So Barney whipped out his tackle
and produced a fine Rod
and said to the otter
"Let's go catch some cod.
Now take a firm grip
and wiggle your bait
With this very long rod
You're bound to catch skate"
Said Barney to Squidgy
Shall we hit the high seas
But Squidgy grew nervous
and downed G & T's
The weather was squally,
The sea was quite rough
Said the otter to the sailor
"Sod this Barney,
I've had enough"
"Calm down Squidgeee
Tis only a breeze,
Pass me a Knackebrod
and slice me some cheese"
(Knackbrod my Elbow
I'm below deck with a nutter
He's not getting cheese
I'll slice him some butter)
So they sailed into a bay
and the boat it was moored
Barney drank more whisky
then fell over board.
Alas time went quickly
and Barney sailed home
Squidgy was sad
Left there all alone
As she waved from the pier
the otter forced a tear
'Til Barney yelled out
"Squidgy I'll be back,,
same time next year"
But Squidgy's grief was quite brief
For soon there was joy
With the arrival of twins.
A girl and a boy.
(more grand-kiddies you understand, all mini-me's)
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
With weather still poor, the following morning, First Mate Henry arrived once again on my doorstep and asked if he could print off some weather charts on my computer.
Twas the least I could do..
Bon voyage boys and a safe journey home, via Barra, Skye and maybe St. Kilda..
Email me and let me know when you have arrived home safe.
You too Henry from South Africa
It was a pleasure to meet you both, and despite the dire weather, I hope what you saw of Coll, you enjoyed.
Here are a few postcards, to remind you of your visit to Coll, July 2008 !!!
BubbleShare: - Play some .
Well, well, well,
He promised it for long enough, and sure enough he did it !!
Sailing from Sweden to Coll
surviving raging storms
huge seas
and one or two pea soupers,
Finally, unannounced, he arrived on my doorstep
Barney from Swithoid, arrives on Coll.
I was sat at my laptop, reading an email from Carol from France,
In my granny's nightie, hair agog, no makeup, and Immac smeared
under my nose, (you've been there girls, I know you have)
Yikes, crikey moses, who's that walking past the window in a yellow suit.
Too late to hide behind the sofa, has he seen me, No, No, No!
Quick dash into the shower, Immac removed, I poke one eye through the crack in the door.
"Gud morneen Squidgee", says a voice in a strange Scottishy/Nordic twang,
"Ahm in the shower" I cried, the penny dropped who it was.
"I'll be back in 15 meenits" says the voice from the step.
Holy Macaroni, 15 meenits, sorry Minutes...
Shower, right, take nightie off first,
hair, yes shampoo it
Clothes?
Right what fits? Nothing? they've all shrunk in the wash
Tick, tock, tick tock,
Shove all the ironing in the cupboard,
Wash up quickly,
I'm like a scalded cock
a headless chicken,
I should have got dressed
Be prepared, the Scout's Motto
No time to argue with myself
My head is spinning
Oh gawd whot's to do..
Anyways, Barney and his first mate, Henry from South Africa wait in the garden. The weather is miserable. Oh what a shame, I so would have liked to have shown Barney around Coll when the sun was out.
As we drive around in my trusty Warrior, Barney cautiously slips on his seat belt. He thinks I haven't seen him but I have. I become nervous, what if they think I am a bad driver.
BubbleShare: - Powered by BubbleShare
They speak excellent English, and only rarely break into Swedish, Barney asks if I am from the Midlands, I say, No, Yorkshire, can't you tell.
he can't, but I am.
After a tour of the island, we jump into the dinghy and have tea aboard the sailing vessel. It rolls about, and I feel a bit queasy, Barney and Henry, have soup and cheese, and some Swedish hard bread - Knackebrod
Barney offers me a shot of Whisky, but as you know, I don't drink.
The boat rolls even more, My stomach goes one way, and I go another.
I say that I have to get back to the dogs and ask to be rowed ashore.
Later, I joined the guys in the Hotel for a lovely meal, and we had some really good company. It was a splendid evening.
I wrote a little ditty for Barney to make him laugh (or cry more likely). I asked if I should put it on Island blogging and he said yes,
so here it is.
Based on the Owl and the pussycat nonsense verse...
It is obviously complete and utter nonsense but it gave us a laugh in the pub, after a few drinks that is...
Oh and by the way, it's not cheeky either and if you think it is, then all I can say is .....It's all in YOUR mind.....
Barney and Squidgy went to sea,
In a beautiful PEE green boat
They took some booze on their afternoon cruise
in the hope it would keep them afloat.
Barney looked up
to the black clouds above
as he sang to a small guitar
"Oh Squidgy you're sweet
In fact you're unique
But I'm rather put off by
the sight of webbed feet
Said Squidgy to the sailor
"You're a wrinkly old dish.
and I'm not here for the NOOKIE
I just want to fish".
So Barney whipped out his tackle
and produced a fine Rod
and said to the otter
"Let's go catch some cod.
Now take a firm grip
and wiggle your bait
With this very long rod
You're bound to catch skate"
Said Barney to Squidgy
Shall we hit the high seas
But Squidgy grew nervous
and downed G & T's
The weather was squally,
The sea was quite rough
Said the otter to the sailor
"Sod this Barney,
I've had enough"
"Calm down Squidgeee
Tis only a breeze,
Pass me a Knackebrod
and slice me some cheese"
(Knackbrod my Elbow
I'm below deck with a nutter
He's not getting cheese
I'll slice him some butter)
So they sailed into a bay
and the boat it was moored
Barney drank more whisky
then fell over board.
Alas time went quickly
and Barney sailed home
Squidgy was sad
Left there all alone
As she waved from the pier
the otter forced a tear
'Til Barney yelled out
"Squidgy I'll be back,,
same time next year"
But Squidgy's grief was quite brief
For soon there was joy
With the arrival of twins.
A girl and a boy.
(more grand-kiddies you understand, all mini-me's)
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
With weather still poor, the following morning, First Mate Henry arrived once again on my doorstep and asked if he could print off some weather charts on my computer.
Twas the least I could do..
Bon voyage boys and a safe journey home, via Barra, Skye and maybe St. Kilda..
Email me and let me know when you have arrived home safe.
You too Henry from South Africa
It was a pleasure to meet you both, and despite the dire weather, I hope what you saw of Coll, you enjoyed.
Here are a few postcards, to remind you of your visit to Coll, July 2008 !!!
Comments
Brilliant post, Squidgy, great as ever, you made me laugh with your unexpected visitors! How nice to meet Barney and Henry, and great for them to have a tour guide to Coll. Thanks again!
Jill from EK
Crikey where can I hide now?? Fingers crossed that Barney is anchored off some remote place like St. Kilda and unable to access the internet. Did I really say he was a wrinkly old dish, what I really meant to say was that he looked like a young version of Sean Connery, grovel, grovel. And to be fair, Barney did leave loads of messages on my mobile warning me of his impending arrival, but DOH, never checked. Ah well, have a good weekend everyone. Tara xxxx
Squidgy the Otter from Has just left the building
VERY nice. Glad you all had a wonderful time. St. Kilda - eh, Barney? You like to live dangerously. Hope you have a safe and pleasant trip back to Swithiod.
mjc from NM,USA
I hereby certify that the above events as recorded by the Literary Otter are true in all intents and purposes except veracity. Thanks for a good time, Squidgy, and keep smiling!" You never know what next Winter may bring.
Barney from Mallaig not Swithiod
brilliant blog,squidgy--i told you you'd have fun!did u show barney tghe "triffid photos" i sent u???xxxcarol
carol from over here
Holy Mackeral, he's back on terra firma. What does veracity mean? it it good? or , eeeer, is it bad?? Next Winter? think I'm washing my hair that month !! Haha, thanks Barney.
Squidgy the Otter from Ver, whot-ery??
Sounds like a nice (surprise!) visit and I love the poem Squidgy. Just started reading Island Blogging--what have I been missing? ;)
Dreaming of Highlands & Islands... from Virginia
Vera City. Its obviously a very subtle soap reference to...er...a very wellknown soap... You've definitely improved on the original nonsense verse Squidgy!
Flying Cat from increasingly less knackbrod
Fantastic !!!
Angela from Fair Isle's Tea Wifie
great post squidgy, sounds like all was well in the end and you had a great evening, if barney goes to st kilda I'll wave from the butt as he goes past,
island threads from lewis
Kayaking from Oban. will I get to see the squidgy otter? Coll looks like a great place and I hope I make it , weather permitting. see you in bar.!!!
Derek B from Swansea
Corse I no how to spel. You spel Swithoid, Swithiod, I knew that all a long. Very nice to hear from some new people, and Virginia, Wow ! Vera City? yes I looked it up and its all lies, I agree totally, mmmmm. Did anyone see that best of Britain Marco Polo White programme, finding all the best food around Britain, well guess what?? Fish Pie was chosen, and I am away to make one right now, with some salmon, prawns and scallops, cream and wine. whooooo, What a lovely evening, I have a box, sorry I meant a bottle of white wine chilling in the freezer, the sun is shining, its hot, and, ... oh what a lovely life !!
Squidgy the Otter from The Dunce's Corner
Goodness IT, that's an offer I'm sure Barney couldn't turn down!
Flying Cat from waving from my butt
Flying Cat, trust you !! I think this blog could degenerate into total smut if we continue with this theme. That's the Bottom Line, and on that Bum note, I'll butt out.
Squidgy the Otter from Mucky Minds think Alike
Yes, I thought that IT's mode of making waves was rather unusual and funny. Did not make any comment as, unlike some, I am rather leery about drawing attention to the unusual proclivities of ibloggers. But now that the cat is out of the bag ...
mjc from IN,USA
Who are you calling a bag???
Flying Cat from patting a plump rump
Rear-ly, some bloggers are two cheeky, Butt, the thigh's the limit here in Ireland with pure Derry Air. (getting back to the the cat, is it Bag-Puss,the pink and white stripey cat?)
Rump-le-stilskin from Ireland
I see from elsewhere that Barney has reached Islay (Of spiritual memory). What I am keen to know is did Beatrice reach St. Kilda? If so many congrats. In the meantime no doubt the estimable whiskies will be being sampled. Nice anchorages off some of them too.
Hyper-Borean from The spirit safe
fear not ladies, Barney is safe and well, like two ships that pass in the night, he flits from port to port, well you know what they say about sailors..is it true? Oh yes.
Hilda from St Kilda
Fortunately Coll is not famous for her mobile phone signals. (Personally, I hate the things, but obviously nowadays, thats not a cool thing to say). so I have now obtained a superb signal and retrieved my messages, There, amongst the rifraf, is a message from Sean Connery, aka, James Bond, 007, licensed to thrill . Well, it sounded like Sean Connery, but no, it was someone more special, Barney from Swith..... you know I can't spell it, but anyway, Barney had left a message in his dulcit, deep voiced tones, saying he was enjoying the sunshine in Tobermory. So Hilda from St. Kilda, may I say, look after our Blogging Barney, we want to see him back on Coll next year. How does that song go now.... " All the nice girls love a sailor....." mmm even naughty ones too.. tee hee
Squidgy the Otter from Upwardly Mobile
PS meant to say to Hilda and any other ladies at various ports, Mrs. Barney of Swithiod is an extremely lovely and beautiful lady. So, take his waffle with a pinch of salt, no, make that a big spoonful !! Sorry ladies, our Barney is well and truly spoken for, even if he does hide his wedding ring in the waste bin (haha - thought I'd forgotten about that - but no, I have a photographic memory, everything is filed and stored in the old grey matter ready to be wheeled out as and when required). Anyway, where are you B.O.S.??? stop being so enigmatic !!
Squidgy the Otter from Memory slipping
Squidgy, you are ownderful and thanks again for showing us around your island - wonderful! Just like your story of our romance. I have to admit to hiding my wedding ring in the waste bin - I use it (the ring) as an egg-cup - now will anyone believe that? Hilda, sorry, the weather was just too bad to make it to st. K. this year. Island Threads, I'm not able to see your butt for obvious reasons, perhaps you should consider stopping the wagging - I expect several shihps have already gone on the rock in response to this new form of Siren song. But many thanks for your kind thoughts.
Barney from Swithiod and a dry bed at last
Squidgy, I think the SF has decided that we have gone too far, too fast or both and is frittering all my stuff. Probably where it belongs anyway. Thanks for a "good time" and your wonderful comments, poem and pictures.
Barney from Swithiod in the Spam Fritter
Oh dearest Barney you have such a vivid imagination. Romance??? eeeerrrr whot? I must have slept through it ! (that's usual for me, tee hee). Hope you are home safe and thanks again for visiting Coll.
Squidgy the Otter from I know I am ownderful
Barney, you are so famous! James Bond lookalike on Flickr.
Squidgy the Otter from Flickr-ing away the time
Er, this is all too much, I sailed to Coll to meet you, Squidgy, not to become a Flicker in the eyes of the world. Sweet anonymity, roll on!
Barney from Swithiod simpering sweetly
Sorry, I'm confused. Has Squidgy moved to Muckle Roe?
Ruthodanort from Unst
I've been wondering why too.... has Barney got something to do with it?
scallowawife from wondering
ME AND SCALLOWAWIFE WANT ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!! Carol fae here, what's happened to Squidgy's blog?
Ruthodanort from Unst
I couldn't give a fourex just as long as she's back, as is the very touching post that was removed pro tem. Welcome to Island Blogging Sixex!
Flying Cat from throwing kisses to an mustelid.
glad to see this blog again--welcome back
carol from from here
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