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Oooooooh boy did I have the time of my little social life last night!! Wur dear friends John and Sue took me, Erlend, and their brother and sister out to the concert put on by these two guys named Ally Bain and Phil Cunningham. It was held at the very square Stromness Town Hall. (Square as in shape...) I always love walking up The Hill Of Doom in Stromness - it's rather bonnie and there are all sorts of wee lanes to peek into as you stroll along. And trip over the cobble stones...

I had seen Phil Cunningham back in 2005 when I attended a concert in the same Town Hall. I had no idea that he was famous. He sure was funny! And he played the accordian like I never knew it could be played! All I'd ever known of accordians was back home at Saint Kaz Hall on Avenue A in Turners Falls. It was usually accompanied by ancient Polish men singing polka songs. I had no idea that anyone else used accordians until Phil Cunningham played his so fast I thought his fingers would fall off.

I had listened to a squeaky old Ally Bain cassette tape a few times in the Massey Ferguson as I helped shift cattle or move tires. Erlend had told me that he was a Shetland fiddler and they played really fast. From the sounds issuing from the Furgy's speakers I was convinced that Ally Bain must be a highly skilled android: no human could play a fiddle that fast!

So it was with some excitement that I crammed myself into the packed Stromness Town Hall and reveled in being surrounded by humanity. (Humans! Oh it's been soooo long since I've heard the buzz and roar of a room full of my fellow humans!!)

First on stage were two lads who were announced as Colin and Colin. Turns out that Colin #1 was a Craig. So we were quickly swept away by the amazing talent of Colin and not-Colin. Holy cow!! I studied fiddle for over two years back in Alaska and compaired with these two I sound like a chicken scratching a few old piano strings. That was some entertainment! **APPLAUSE**

They were funny too. Seems to be a trait amongst Orcadians...

After Colin and not-Colin exited the stage Phil Cunningham and that clever android-in-disguise Ally Bain took their seats. It seemed like the moment Mr. Cunningham opened his mouth the place was howling with laughter.

Every time they played a song I sat there with my mouth hanging open. First of all, I had no idea it was possible for one man to play both the song - and the accompaniment on an accordian. Now how on earth does a human being get their brain around that? Maybe Phil Cunningham is an android too????

While Ally Bain played the fiddle the firefighter in me watched his instrument like a hawk. I couldn't not believe how fast that bow was going - or his fingers on the strings for that matter! Even though I was sitting there witnessing this event with my own eyes I'm still in shock. Erlend wasn't kidding: Shetland fiddlers play durn fast! He was engaging in every aspect of the fire tetrahedron: at any moment I expected the friction from the bow to cause the wood of the violin to begin to chemically decompose thus emitting flamable vapors that would ignite into sustained combustion...how long before we'd have flashover in the Hall???

Alas! The gods of music must have been smiling on us as nothing burst into flames - neither Ally Bain's fiddle or Phil Cunningham's accordion. And as far as I'm concerned, the concert ended too soon! Those two should have been chained to the stage and urged to continue for at least another three hours.

I wish they had played that "How Much Is The Doggy In The Window" backwards Cajun tune a bit longer...I was absolutely SCREECHING with laughter! (Thanks, guys. I needed a good abdominal workout!!) Hooooweee! Ca c'est bon! Laisser les bons temps rouler!

I hope they come back again soon!!!!! I'll be standing by with the Stromness Fire Brigade...

You know what struck me the most?? How humble these two incredibly talented men were. I have no idea how they managed to be surprised and humbled by our screeching howling hand-clapping praise at the end of such an amazing concert. Such skill!! They get up there and play like ain't nobody's business!!! And yet there they were bowing and thanking us if we were overdoing it with our cheers and they couldn't figure out why!

After the concert ended we all stopped at John and Sue's brother and sister's house (I don't like to say too many names on the internet...) for a chat and a cuppa. Well! We were given the royal treatment as John's Sister whipped up a feast fit to beat the band! Rolls with ham, sweet tart things, cheeses, grapes, biscuits...wow!! I had this dainty glass full of this sweet purple stuff called Port and ugh...it hit me like a ton of bricks. I won't have that stuff again. I'll stick with juice. But the food was faaaaantastic! And what fun to sit amongst friends feasting away and talking about an awesome concert! By the time Erlend and I collapsed into bed last night I felt as if my batteries were fully re-charged with human interaction!

All this music! Orkney is SO musical!! I'm dying to get back into music again. I know Phil MakeMeLaughToDeathham and Allydroid Bain o' The Fingers of Warp Speed might feel disapointed though because their concert didn't inspire me to leap back into the fiddle just yet. What I'm dying for is OPERA!! I was juuuuust starting to get it when I left Alaska and married this farmer man o' mine. (FC I'm trying to fatten him up - he eats like a horse and gains nary an ounce!)

I remember my one, and only, time that I got on stage and sang opera. I was on duty at the firehouse when the tones went off: Forest Fire! Oh boy! A cabin had caught on fire and set the surrounding woods on fire and we soon found ourselves racing to the scene. What I remember most is how the protective cover fell off of my pulaski axe just as I launched myself (and the 45lb water pack on my back ugh!) over a ravine. As I landed it cracked me in the thigh and I was sure I had opened myself up! I was also sure I was going to bleed to death before I'd admit to anyone that I just laid my own thigh open with all that "whatever you do, do NOT carry your pulaski this way" training that I seemed to have forgotten in the crucial moment...

Luckly, I wasn't sliced.

After several exhausting hours fighting a slowly creeping and HOT AS YOU KNOW WHERE wildland fire I found myself on the phone to my opera teacher.

"Uh...we have a problem."

"What is it?"

"I dunno if I can make it to the concert..."

"Why not??"

"Well...the concert is in ten minutes. It will take me 9 minutes to arrive and I just got back from a wee forest fire - I stink, my hands are black and I'm in uniform. There's no way I have time to go to my cabin, clean up, change into my dress and arrive at the concert."

There was a moment of silent contemplation on the other end of the phone. Then my esteemed teacher announced, "Come as you are. I want you up on stage - you need to do this!"

Gulp!!

And so I found myself standing very akwardly on a small stage facing a friendly (but very curious) crowd whilst decked out in my flattering smelly uniform, dirty sooty boots and black fingernails. This was my first time ever being on stage singing in front of anyone!! Everyone else who had been on stage before me were dressed so nice in gowns or suits. I wanted to sink through the floor and DIE!

My opera instructor stood up and explained very quickly to the audience why I was looking so ... filthy. And then, before I knew it, my accompianist was pounding away on the piano and I launched very badly into, "Alma del core...!"

I was nervous. I knew I looked like something the vultures dragged in! And my own stench was overpowering. Dizzy from the fumes, and tight-throated from sheer terror, I squalled my way through the first two lines sounding somewhat like a badly tuned alley cat.

"Alma del core,... spirto del alma!"

But I was living my dream by golly! I had worked for two long years to get to this point! I was not going to let one silly forest fire ruin my chance of singing OPERA!!!!!! And so I put my shoulders back and sang my heart out!

"Sempre costante,... tadorero!"

And uh...lost my place halfway through.

Horror of horrors, I found my poor little brain pulling a complete blank. I stood in all my filthy glory smiling and trying to act as if we were simply enjoying a musical interlude (I mean who in the audience could acctually understand the Italian I was belting out??) whilst my accompianist continued to repeat the chord. That chord came around and around again about ten times... Beads of cold sweat began to form on my forhead as my tongue went dry. I sent up a quick prayer to God..."Uh...Dear God, I know you are really busy dealing with like...world famine and war and mudslides...but if you could possibly squeeze in just a tiny nanosecond for little ol' me down here on this stage..."

C'mon brain...work! C'mon...what are the words again?? ARRRRG!!

Suddenly my opera teacher stood up saved my day! To my utter relief she stage-whispered, "Ta-do-re-ro!!"

Here I was wearing "FIRE RESCUE" in bold letters enblazoned across my person - and I was the one being rescued. The irony! The sweet irony!

As soon as my dear wonderful (THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU) teacher whispered tadorero my brain kicked in and I jumped in when the chord came back around. Helmet-hair and all, I was SAFE!

After that I warbled like a songbird - It couldn't get any worse! I was fully relaxed: I had just lived every single stage-related nightmare in the universe! Nothing was going to stop me now! And I'm happy to say that "Alma Del Core" finished out in tune and with its singer grinning like a Cheshire Cat!

After my song was finished I took my bows and felt elated. I had done it! I had stood on stage and sang opera! Holy cow. I humbly left the stage and returned to my seat. As soon as I sat down the back of the chair came undone and I flipped over backwards...

I kid you not. My life is never dull.

Orkney inspires me to return to music. (And art! And writing!!) Thanfully there are no forests to catch on fire here...