You're the mother of my child...
Posted: Saturday, 15 November 2008 |
Elspeth Little Owl
2:15am, I'm awake and sleepless after having fed the baby. She has colic and this time around I did everything I could to avoid causing her pain: tricked her into drinking water first. Stopped her in the midst of her sooking in order to burp her more often... so far it seems to have worked.
Elspeth was violently restless when I lay her down in her bassinette so I spent twenty minutes rocking her little cradle until she became still. Each time she tossed herself about I feared the worst: colic rearing its ugly head... yet she never awoke, never began screaming with pain. Yet.
It was awful watching her in so much agony today! Crying and screaming, writhing with pain and me helpless to do anything to help her except endlessly patting her back to try and bring up the trapped gas. I held her against my breasts, my lips caressing her sweet little head as she wailed. It finally passed after two hours of hell and then daddy took over and put her in a sling about his chest while I escaped upstairs for my 9pm - to - 11pm nap. This is the only way I have the energy to take the night shift while Erlend sleeps. The cattle and the sheep won't let him take a nap in the middle of the day!
God, please give me the grace and the compassion to help this little baby no matter what time it is or how tired I am... please give me the physical stamina to take care of her... I can't do this alone... I'm selfish... I'm ill... my lower belly is killing me with pain... I can't do this without Your help...
While I rocked the cradle I kept thinking about how my body has changed since giving birth. When 9pm nap time came I stripped down in order to change into my night things and I couldn't help but study my reflection in the mirror: long red stretch marks, sagging paunch, ugly puckered c-section wound, hair going in five directions, bleary sleep-deprived eyes... I look like crap...
Erlend had come upstairs then and he saw me standing there in the buff. He smelled of spices and cattle, fresh air and baby puke. Elspeth slept peacefully in the sling on his chest. He had been busy pickling beet root and just now he was bringing me a second banana ~ my emergency 3am post-baby-feeding rations. I looked up at those gentle blue eyes... "Do you still think that I'm beautiful?" I blurted out as I gestured with a hint of disgust at my matronly, wounded belly. It jiggled as I moved and I cringed.
Erlend looked me up and down. He stared at my lower belly and took in the streaks of red that made up the stretch marks. He saw the gauze peeking out from where the sagging paunch pressed agianst my tender wound. He smiled and kissed me. "Of course I think you're beautiful." he told me and then he gestured at the mess that is now the new version of my lower body. "You're the mother of my child..." He kissed me again and again.
I suddenly saw everything through his eyes - the stretch marks, the sagging, jiggly paunch, the puckered wound... Motherhood. Beautiful motherhood.
Numb with fatigue, I smiled as I rocked the cradle while gazing down at our blessed little baby. For days I struggled with feeling totally cut off from the world as I lay ill and isolated and half-crazed by cabin fever. (the sign on the door reads, "Michelle is too ill to see anyone. So sorry...") Over and over I had asked myself, Who sees me when I'm soothing her to sleep at 2am? Who sees me when I've changed the nth nasty dipaper and washed the millionth bottle and been hosed down by the latest blast of baby vomit? Who sees me when I'm soothing a screaming, colicky newborn while stuck indoors for days on end stinking of fever sweat?
Erlend sees me.
Elspeth sees me.
God sees me.
Seriously, that is all that matters in the end. I've come to see now that it's worth every second that I spend hidden away caring for those whom I love...
Comments
Aw colic, it is a bind. Im a retired midwife, my grand daughter is 3years now, but she had the colic from hell, turned out to be reflux, but this is the only thing that worked.Colic is a matter of gravity. The only way to stop it is to sit the delightful Elspeth in a baby chair for 20min after every feed, day AND night. All the patting rubbing and shuggling wont make any diffence. Just sit them on a gently reclining baby chair and gravity and time will gently do the work. Your doing a fantastic job, enjoy every moment, before you know it she will be 25 and youll wonder where all the time went.
Ellie from Glasgow
Elspeth is as sweet as they come! Sorry to hear of the colic, uuuuugh!
Barney from Swithiod all soft inside
Take the sign of your door and let folks in to help! if they can't see you are in need of a cup of tea (which they make for you) and help to burp the baby (while you change your clothes for the umteenth time) OR change the sign to read only come in if you can brew, burp and pickle beetroot.... Its all a stage and your body will be back to normal soon, or as near as possible! your baby will be a stroppy teenager before you know it. Enjoy every stage even if its horrible, it'll pass quickly. and get help if you can. And just remember how lucky you are to have a daughter, a healthy one, and a happy one, a caring husband who is there to help, and your faith to help you through the bad patches. many a woman would change places with you in a flash. vomit and stretch marks too.
scallowawife from in sympathy
My beautiful daughter was the same. Screaming the place down at all hours, day and night.Didn't matter what I did, You just get to the end of your tether and a few months later, it's gone. She's now 16 and nearly gone herself to Uni.Make the most of the screaming. You just get a wee loan of them.
Cathy from Kilamarnock
Trust me, folk have come and helped like there's no tomorrow! And now Aunt Diane is here and she's been a huge help as well! Yeah... kids sure don't stay kids for long. Even when I'm at the end of my rope and halfway to insanity as I try to discover why Elspeth is still screaming I think, "She won't be here forever. She'll be grown and gone before we know it!" I never take anything personally ~ she's just a baby and she can only really let me know she's hurting or hungry or whatnot by crying. I also know that tons of women would change places with me in a nanosecond ~ another reason I'm totally greatful for the situation I'm in. (Good husband, helpful friends and neighbors, healthy happy baby...) My body might look dumpy and my kid might have colic but life is good!
Moo from Sippnig cuppa coffee while bairn naps...
My daughter suffered from colic too. We tried various remedies but what worked best was a swaddling blanket. Not just a normal blanket but one which is specially designed with flaps for tucking the baby's arms into, plus a wee pouch for the legs. It made such a difference, I couldn't recommend using one highly enough!
Anne from Aberdeen
Yes, Moo....please take the sign down and let the women folk in to make you a cuppa tea, do a sink full of dirty dishes. Tell you about their birthing experiences, and give you a little lift. Also, you'll be amazed, there are some that are such good baby jigglers they just may soothe precious Elspeth and you can relax!! please, do not shut out centuries of motherhood tradition!!
Shauna from North Texas
PS- she is absolutely gorgeous!!
Shauna from North Texas
You are so lucky to have your lovely hubby to help you and be so proud of you. I would happily swop that part with you at least. My first child never stopped crying and i was alone in his care even with a man there, in fact it was the same with all of them and i would have given anything to have one tiny bit of how your hubby feels for you. My crying boy is 17 now and it's flown by so fast and he is so good now it made those first 2yrs he never stopped crying worth every moment.
tanith from lewis
she's beautiful,
island threads from lewis
your baby looks beautiful,moo.please listen to the kind advice people are giving you-----we females have been through it and worse.good luck
carol from back in nz at last
Congratulations on the precious baby! While at it I also wanna congratulate you with the new President, Obama! I always knew the best man would win :-) :-)
Marianne from Norway
Beautiful little girl! :):):) My kiddos all had colic. Enjoy the wee one. They grow up so fast! And wear that C-Section Scar with pride. :):):) I am very proud of my 3 c-section scars.....without them...I wouldn't have been blessed with my 3 wonderful children. You will see that after everything has healed and as you look down into the eyes of your little miracle. Congrats again! And may your body heal faster. :):):) Blessings, Stephanie
Stephanie from littlelady
What an inspirational post. Thank you for sharing your rawness. My two are now 23 and 21 so I am well past having babies now but your words brought all the emotions of being a new mum back and I am sat here with tears rolling remembering them when they were so small an.d vulnerable and above all so innocent and dependent. Good luck, enjoy these days and may God Bless you and your family
Galson Girl from Isle of Lewis
My oldest: a son, Duncan, had terrible colic when a babe. I wrapped a warm (not too hot) water bottle in an Arran sweater I'd knitted for his father (finished it on the delivery table: long OP delivery: 46hrs30mins). I laid wee Duncan across my knee ( one knee slightly higher than the other to raise his top half), belly down on the sweater and I gently rubbed the back of his abdomen while singing and playing classical music: he always stopped as soon as the Blue Danube came on and started again the second it finished. Guess who got and overdose of Bluy Danube. Duncan had classical 6 to 10 colic whic h lasted about 4 weeks. Mind you, these 4 weeks felt like an eternity. Congratulations! Motherhood is by far the most beautiful, interesting and fullfilling role I have had: grandparenthood is proving a close second:::: is it a second or equal first, just different. I was a journalist and prior to that a nurse. Great jobs but never so exciting and caring for and guiding my own children through to adulthood. ENJOY!
Meg from Fife
So...I traded my quiet cabin in the Alaskan woods for the howling winds of Orkney and life on a farm. 
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