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A GIRL!

Dag was totallly right! He told us that he had a feeling I was going to give birth to a girl. Meanwhile everyone else was saying this baby would be a boy! I thought I would have a girl in early pregnancy but then with the "slow heart rate" etc I was convinced she would be a he. GOOD GOING DAG!
The wee bairn was born viia emergency c-section doon in Aberdeen 'cause the baby was in distress but hey, all that matters is that SHE is here safe and sound!

Our wee little Elspeth is now blessing our home and completing our marriage and we are soooo happy!

She came out (through my belly) a plump 8lbs and she looks just like I did as a young baby! We can't wait to see if she takes on some of her father's features and if she ends up with blue eyes or brown eyes??

Elspeth was born the same day that my mom died three years ago. She's my mom's first grandchild... I totally see the hand of God at work here! He's used this baby's birth to not only bless us but also to give a beautiful twist to that awful day of mom's death. A double blessing! God is so good.

I'm doing well! Sore but on my feet doing this and that as I putter around the house. Erlend is helping tons so there's nothing to worry about ~ I'm not trying to do it all on my own! Ok, gotta run because who knows how long Elspeth will stay asleep before she howls for a diaper change or more milk?? hehehehe! I have that haggard death-warmed-over look of the mother of a newborn!!!

Will post pics later once we figure out how to download them ~ and once Erlend catches up on farm work. I was hospitalized for ten days because the pubis symphasis totally crippled me once I went into labor on the 24th and I stayed crippled for some time after the birth.

Doing good now!! Pubis symphasis is still around but I can sit down on our livingroom chairs and sleep much more comfortably.

I had posted about beign in early labor on the 24th but for some reason it's still processing? So this news is kinda coming out of left field and I hope it gets posted today.

YAY!!! Our baby is here! Now if only I could get some sleep hehehehehe

I've been nailed with an infection in my womb that has knocked me off of my feet. Please pray for me because I'm struggling* hard to handle the basics of just feeding and changing diapers after crawling out of the sofa bed like death warmed over. The pain is pretty feirce too. Sorry if I sound like a wimp but I'm suffering and I deffinately need some graces! It's tough on the mind when you, a mom, can't really do much for your own baby except feed and change diapers. I can only hold her for a brief time due to the pain and I can't walk around rocking her... anyhoo, no one said life would be easy so any prayers/good thoughts will be appreciated and I'll carry on with the determination of a determined mum!

Worse still... wayyyyy beyond my own problems... is Aunt Diane. She is my mother's sister and Elspeth's great-aunt who was due to arrive here in a week for a visit. My dear Aunt had to cancel her trip due to needing emergency heart surgery! HOLY SMOKES!! Something about a blockage of the heart... dude... so, any prayers/good thoughts for Aunt Diane will be even more appreciated! At least I'm only dealing with an infection. I can't imagine having a blockage of the heart and facing heart surgery!! Please pray that Aunt Diane LIVES.

On a lighter note, I've become convinced that newborns could crack walnuts with their butt cheeks. Seriously! Just try and get a wet cotton ball between those tiny little things when the struggling wean has decided she is NOT in the mood. Ain't happening! I've never seen anything suck its butt-cheeks up into its own body like a newborn bairn! Needless to say, diaper changing is never dull.

Hmmm. Babe is still fussing. I tried to trick her into taking sterilized water instead of milk. She sooked but now Elspeth is like, "Thanks but honestly, do you think I'm stupid or something? Gimme MILK lady!!"

To any parents-to-be out there: Don't ever fall for the silly idea that you can out-fox a newborn. They are as fly as a pack of monkeys! You'll never pull one over on these little people... so take my advice and don't even try because you'll only humiliate yourself! There's nothing more humbling then making a fool of yourself in front of an 11 day old mini-human...

* By the way, I'm not struggling mentally. Only physically. I'm totally loving being a mum!! This little babgy is so incredibly fascinating. I expected a newborn to pop out kinda blank and dull. I'd feed her every this and that hours, put her down at this or that time... but instead of a blank little robot they plopped a little unique person into my arms!! She was her own little self from day one!! And uh... Elspeth was not in the least impressed with exchanging the nirvana of the womb for this odd world. She digs Creed though so that's good! I have their "Greatest hits of Creed" cd blasting away and my little chicky is enjoying it fine.

P.S. Newborns force you to aquire amazing new skills! I never knew that I could eat a banana without hands while changing a diaper... (Desparation ~ it was 3am and I was starving!!)

The heart block was uh... a misdiagnosis. (!!!!) So after thinking she might keel over and DIE she's told, "Nevermind. You don't have a heart blockage. Go ahead and take off to Scotland!"

Ok then.

But hey! We're not complaining! Aunt D will be here Sunday night!!!!

Day fourteen of my captivity. I awaken and once again hunger, my constant companion in this brutal world, nags at my little belly. I still have not established the meaning of my being here... Hmmm... my slave is not in sight. Slacker! I suppose I shall have to summon her with my battle cry... "WAAAAAAAAAH!!" I need milk! "WAAAAAH!" I need milk NOW, lady!

"Oh! Poor baby. Is your nappy dirty? Here, let mummy have a look..."

Idiot! I said I need milk, not a nappy change!

"Here we go. Oh look! Today it's green..."

Excuse me! I don't need a graphic play-by-play of what I've left behind in my nappy, thank you kindly. What is it with these people?? Just get cracking with the diaper because I NEED MILK!! "WAAAAH!!"

"You're still crying? What's wrong, little baby? Do you have a diaper rash?"

Do I need to draw a picture or something? I'm saying it loud and clear: GIMME MILK! **Sigh** This woman claims to be my mother but I'm starting to have some serious doubts. She doesn't exactly strike me as bright enough to be a mum... "WAAAAAAAHHH!!"

"Maybe you're hungry?"

Ya think? Geez...

"Here, let's put you back in your basket while mummy mixes up some milk..."

Where has my slave gone? Why has she left me here to wait?? Does she not know that I rule the world? You delay my feeding? FOOL! Now you shall experience the full might of my wrath... "I SAID WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" Gimme milk already! "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

"Here you go, Elspeth. Here's your milk."

About time! Were you waiting until I died of starvation or something? Sheesh! What does a baby have to do to get some prompt service in this joint?? **Sook Sook Sook**


Day sixteen of my captivity. I awaken and hunger wracks my little frame. So far the food is good and the clothes aren't bad but I still haven't determined exactly why I am here... Information has not been forthcoming.

"Mother" plies me with the Fake Boob and for the moment my hunger fades into nothing. As I sook, I plot...

For sixteen days I have engaged in various forms of torture in order to gain the submission of my slave. Thus far I have managed to employ the tactics of sleep and food deprivation. Bags are beginning to appear under my slave's eyes and I suspect that she has not brushed her hair for at least three days. Do I suspect that "Mother is sitting down and trying to rest?? "WAAAAH!"

Alas! My slave arrives! Now she sits at the foot of my prison cell...

"Hello, Elspeth! You look happy."

Are you nuts? My delight is merely a ploy as I lay here plotting global domination... WHAT IS THIS?! My slave sits before me dipping an entire sausage into a mustard jar! She has found some way to eat... Apparently I underestimated her military training. I will have to take this into deep consideration in the future...

"I normally don't eat with my hands but seeing as how you won't settle long enough for mummy to eat at the table I'll just eat my dinner here."

Look! She smiles at me! Does she gloat? Does she mock me? Heathen! Didn't your mother teach you to eat with a fork?? Gah! I cannot believe that my slave has managed to thwart my efforts! Wait... who is this coming through the door? My honorary grandmother! EGADS! She is pulling out the vaccum!

"Ah yes! That's a good idea, grandma. Last time you vaccumed the floors it knocked her out cold..."

NO!!! Not the VACCUM!! Must... resist... must resist... the... Vaccum Of Doom...

"I think I see her eyes closing!"

NO!!!! Must... resizzzzZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzzz

"Heh heh heh - Triumph! A little bit of teamwork sure goes a long way with a newborn!"

(You will pay, "Mother". You will pay TONIGHT! The Newborn has not been overthrown! Your trimph will be short lived...)


Day Eighteen of my captivity. I awaken and hunger gnaws at my tiny belly. My slave is not in sight but I think I can hear her clattering about in the other room... I have asked repeatedly why I am here but thus far "Mother" and "Father" have refused to answer. Either that or they are too ignorant to understand plain Babyspeak...

I digress...

"WAAAAH!" My slave arrives and utilizes the Fake Boob. For the moment my hunger is satiated... However, I still have other tactics up my little sleeve... I wait until Mother attempts to sit down and then... "WAAAAAAH!"

"What's wrong, little Elspeth? Are you too hot?"

Last night I managed to keep Mother awake alllllll niiiiight lonnnnng. I observe the bags under her eyes... the haggared look... but what's this?! She still smiles?! Is this woman depraved or something??

"You're sooo cute, Elspeth! Here, I'll take off this blanket and see if you don't cool down a bit."

My slave leaves and now I am at peace to plot... WAITH a MINUTE?! What's going on here? My cradle has become hyper decorated with bright, colorful objects... and what is this thing beside me that makes heartbeat noises??

I see what is going on... (Must resist... must resist...) My slave has employed the use of these things to stimulate me and distract me from... Oooo! What a pretty quilt! (GAH! Must resist...) ... distract me from... OOOOO! A pink bunny doll! (NO!! Must resist...) OH WOW! What are those orange things hanging from the bonnet of my prison cell? (NOOOO!!! I'm falling for the ploy! I'm being dragged away from my plans for world domination...) YOWZA! That's one bright quilt and what are those colorful dangly things??

As my eyes grow heavy and sleep descends upon me I am forced to admit that I have seriously underestimated my slave...

Elspeth Little Owl

2:15am, I'm awake and sleepless after having fed the baby. She has colic and this time around I did everything I could to avoid causing her pain: tricked her into drinking water first. Stopped her in the midst of her sooking in order to burp her more often... so far it seems to have worked.

Elspeth was violently restless when I lay her down in her bassinette so I spent twenty minutes rocking her little cradle until she became still. Each time she tossed herself about I feared the worst: colic rearing its ugly head... yet she never awoke, never began screaming with pain. Yet.

It was awful watching her in so much agony today! Crying and screaming, writhing with pain and me helpless to do anything to help her except endlessly patting her back to try and bring up the trapped gas. I held her against my breasts, my lips caressing her sweet little head as she wailed. It finally passed after two hours of hell and then daddy took over and put her in a sling about his chest while I escaped upstairs for my 9pm - to - 11pm nap. This is the only way I have the energy to take the night shift while Erlend sleeps. The cattle and the sheep won't let him take a nap in the middle of the day!

God, please give me the grace and the compassion to help this little baby no matter what time it is or how tired I am... please give me the physical stamina to take care of her... I can't do this alone... I'm selfish... I'm ill... my lower belly is killing me with pain... I can't do this without Your help...

While I rocked the cradle I kept thinking about how my body has changed since giving birth. When 9pm nap time came I stripped down in order to change into my night things and I couldn't help but study my reflection in the mirror: long red stretch marks, sagging paunch, ugly puckered c-section wound, hair going in five directions, bleary sleep-deprived eyes... I look like crap...

Erlend had come upstairs then and he saw me standing there in the buff. He smelled of spices and cattle, fresh air and baby puke. Elspeth slept peacefully in the sling on his chest. He had been busy pickling beet root and just now he was bringing me a second banana ~ my emergency 3am post-baby-feeding rations. I looked up at those gentle blue eyes... "Do you still think that I'm beautiful?" I blurted out as I gestured with a hint of disgust at my matronly, wounded belly. It jiggled as I moved and I cringed.

Erlend looked me up and down. He stared at my lower belly and took in the streaks of red that made up the stretch marks. He saw the gauze peeking out from where the sagging paunch pressed agianst my tender wound. He smiled and kissed me. "Of course I think you're beautiful." he told me and then he gestured at the mess that is now the new version of my lower body. "You're the mother of my child..." He kissed me again and again.

I suddenly saw everything through his eyes - the stretch marks, the sagging, jiggly paunch, the puckered wound... Motherhood. Beautiful motherhood.

Numb with fatigue, I smiled as I rocked the cradle while gazing down at our blessed little baby. For days I struggled with feeling totally cut off from the world as I lay ill and isolated and half-crazed by cabin fever. (the sign on the door reads, "Michelle is too ill to see anyone. So sorry...") Over and over I had asked myself, Who sees me when I'm soothing her to sleep at 2am? Who sees me when I've changed the nth nasty dipaper and washed the millionth bottle and been hosed down by the latest blast of baby vomit? Who sees me when I'm soothing a screaming, colicky newborn while stuck indoors for days on end stinking of fever sweat?

Erlend sees me.

Elspeth sees me.

God sees me.

Seriously, that is all that matters in the end. I've come to see now that it's worth every second that I spend hidden away caring for those whom I love...

7:30pm. I am working on my book while the baby steals a nap. I glance at Aunt Diane. "Hmmm. Erlend said he'd be in for tea at seven."

Aunt Diane stares at the dark windows. Outside the snow and wind beats against the glass with gusto. "He's probably standing outside frozen solid." she remarks as she strikes a frozen-farmer pose. We crack up laughing. "Auntie Farmour is being silly!" I say to the sleeping Elspeth.

Aunt Diane had told me that when her kids have grandkids she wants to be called "Farmour", the Swedish title for grandma.

"Ma, we're not Swedish. Our kids are not calling you Farmour." her two sons have informed her.

"That's ok, Aunt Diane." I say. "I'll teach Elspeth to call you 'Auntie Farmour.'"

After some time passes the back door opens and closes and Erlend strolls into the livingroom wearing his moose hide slippers that I bought him for Christmas last year. He does not appear to be frozen solid... "I was a bit delayed up at Overabist." he says as he scoops the baby up from the sofa. She is seated in her vibrating luxury seat and totally thrilled to see her coo-scented daddy.

"Why were you delayed?" I wonder.

"There are twenty-five cattle missing..."

"HUH?! Where'd they go??"

"They lifted a pin from the gate in the byre. I tracked them to the peat hill road above the farm." Erlend tells me as he dances around the livingroom with the baby.

"So... does that mean there's still twenty-five cattle missing?!"

"Aye." Erlend says as he scoots from side to side with a very thrilled Elspeth in her seat in his arms. The soundtrack to the Transformers movie plays in the background while I type away at a space battle scene. Thank GOD I was in the Navy... sure helps me describe shipboard life...

"I figured it wasn't worth trying to find the cattle in the dark in blizzard conditions." Erlend tells me.

"Yeah, good thinking Batman." I say. Elspeth gurgles with glee as she continues to wiz around the room via daddy-power.

Twenty five cattle missing and a galactic battle scene in the making. There's never a dull moment around this joint.

Erlend wanders into the kitchen. I can hear his slippers scuffing on the floor. "Who's up for fried tatties?" he calls out.

"I am!" I say and Erlend sets to work frying up the leftover tatties (potatoes) and neeps (turnip). We sit at the table and dive in. Elspeth sits in her vibrating luxury chair and sooks away on her dummy teat.

"I really like these fried nips." Aunt Diane announces. Erlend pauses in mid-bite. "That's neeps." he says with a grin. He plunges his fork into the jar of beet root and hauls out two slices. He grew the beet and pickled them himself. I hold out my plate. "What are you after?" Erlend wonders.

"One of those." I say and he deposits the larger slice of beet root onto my plate. It's so like him to always give me the best... "I have to get up early in the morning and find these cattle." Erlend tells us.

"How far can they go?" Aunt Diane asks and Erlend laughs. "They can go for miles!"

"Oh my..."

We all wonder why in the world the kye wanted to escape the barn and flee into a cold, snowy night like this??

Elspeth decides that we have had enough down-time and so she bursts into howls of protest. Pay attention to me! I'm bored! Aunt Diane scoops her up and lets her sook from a bottle of water. Elspeth sooks, fusses, sooks, fusses. "I wonder if she has colic pain?" I wonder.

"This is her usual grumpy time." Aunt Diane informs me.

"She's getting earlier with her grump time!" I say - usually I go to bed at 9pm and that's when the wee babe begins her 9pm - 12am fuss time. "I feel bad because I ditch you guys just when the bairn gets riled up."

"It doesn't bother me." Aunt Diane says with a smile as she kisses one of those soft, plump baby cheeks.

The night shift starts at midnight and that's when I drag myself out of the warmth of the bed and tend to the wee bairn. It's amazing: the baby cries and I feel frustrated and annoyed. "I can't DO this." I grumble as I crawl out from under the covers but then as soon as I look down into the bassinette and see her sweet face I'm more then happy to pick her up and tend to her needs.

I was sitting on the bedroom floor at 5:45am burping the bairn while a cow mooed outside for her calf ~ something that can take ages to work, even with her being sat up in her vibrating chair for a good 20 minutes. I was sitting there half awake patting Elspeth's little back. Aunt Diane came into the room. "Do you want me to take her?"

"UUuuuuUUUuuurp!" Elspeth replied and I nod my head. "Yes! If you don't mind..."

Aunt Diane scoops the baby up into her arms. "Come on, let's let mommy get some sleep."

I crawled under the covers, stroked Erlend's sleeping face, and fell sound asleep until 9:30am. I found Aunt Diane downstairs with the baby. "Did you hear that cow mooing all night long?" she asked.

"They do that if their calf won't come through for a sook." I told her. "And they don't give up either! They go alllll niiiiight lonnnnng..." (But now, compared to a howling colicky baby, mooing kye don't even phase me...) I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down with my lap top so I could work on my book while the bairn slept. Outside Erlend chased sheep down the farm road while the snow blew horizontal. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere I go...

Aunt Diane has been an invaluable help this week and I've been able to heal up quite a bit! She's kept the house clean, done laundry, fed and changed the baby when I'm too wiped out to do so... what a RELIEF!! The sofa bed no longer dominates the livingroom because I don't have to lay around all day and today I was able to hold my baby for AGES! I even danced around the livingroom with her in my arms. Elspeth really liked that AND I discovered that she also enjoys my Karsh Kale cds. You know life is going to be good when your own kid digs your music...

Hopefully the kye will fare well up there on the peat banks in this miserable weather. Serves them right, the beasts!! I can hear the snow hitting the windows as I type.

Cheerio fae noo!

...while Elspeth spends a few minutes in her vibrating luxury seat after having had a good feed of milk. She refuses to release the last bit of gas so I'm following "that retired midwife's" advice and giving her some sitting-up time. She's grunting away so I'm guessing something else is also taking place ~ another diaper change perhaps? I cannot believe the amount of diapers this kid creates in a day!! We have these really cool biodegradable diapers made from natural materials and some biodegradable bags to stash them in. In spite of our being careful the house is beginning to smell like a diaper pail just the same...

I was on the horn to the maternity ward yet again. The midwives and doctors there know me well by now ~ I'm forever calling with concerns or showing up in the middle of the night with a perfectly healhty baby (and a patient Erlend in tow) while saying, "SOMETHING'S WRONG!!"

No, nothing is ever actually wrong ~ I just have no idea what I'm doing and every little grunt or snuffle = impending doom for my little bairn.

Not long ago it was, "She's breathing funny!" Tonight it was, "She hasn't gone poop!" An hour after I hung up the phone Elspeth obligingly filled her diaper... (If only I had waited.)

I call it NewMotherSyndrome. Thank GOD the maternity ward is used to new mothers and have endless patience. Or at least they fake it well...

Erlend escaped Diaperville for a while and spent some Man Time with his fellow farmers at the Orkney Agricultural Discussion Society get-together in Kirkwall. He came back about midnight looking quite refreshed ~ it's good to see him get away from the farm and chum around with fellow males. There's about 400 females here aboots. And that's not counting the wife, Aunt, and bairn in the hoose! I asked him, "What'd you discuss tonight?"

"Farming." he told me.

Really? I never would have guessed...

He got ribbed a bit. "Hi, dad." folk said. Erlend was glowing when he told me about this. I can see that he still loves being a father despite the sleepless nights and the fact that Elspeth has discovered how to scream non-stop for hours on end. (She's a talented bairn!) I go to bed at 9pm and Elspeth starts up from then until midnight when she finally passes out from sheer fatigue. Somehow I managed to get her settled at 9pm tonight with some milk and some cuddling and by 9:30 she was sound asleep and didn't wake up until 1am looking for a feed! Aunt Diane and I are still recovering from shock...

Erlend is sooo good to his daughter! Whenever she's awake and he comes into the house he scoops her up into his arms and dances around the house. One afternoon he came inside for dinner and saw Elspeth sitting in her vibrating luxury seat. He stared at her for a moment and then declared, "I can't resist you any longer!" With that he scooped her up and loved her to bits.

He daily earns uber Man Points in my eyes. He's the best!

As I type there's a mouse digging away in the wall. Ugh! Where is FC when you need him?? I was sitting on the toilet in the wee hours of the morning the other day when a mouse came zipping into the bathroom. Since all I saw was a flash of motion I let out a scream of terror and about fell off the throne. I have no idea who was more freaked out: myself or the mouse. The furry critter spun around and ran for its little rodent life while I laughed hysterically. Elspeth woke up crying and Erlend stared at me down the hallway from where he lay on the bed. I stared back from my perch. "I'm so glad you came running to my rescue." I quipped dryly.

"I kent you were ok." he replied.

"Oh? How so?" I wondered and Erlend grinned.

Well, it's been 20 minutes and the grunting continues upstairs in the vibrating luxury seat. Guess I'd better go investigate a diaper...

I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep
and miles to go before I sleep...

...while Elspeth hiccups away in her vibrating luxury seat. Trapped gas. I couldn't get her to burp much at all during this last feeding so I have her sitting semi-reclined in her seat while I prop my eyes open with match sticks. I pray that Elspeth does not start howling... I can hear her considering a good howl and I hope that she does not open up and let 'er rip...

While I changed our baby's diaper I couldn't help but contemplate the rolls of fat around her tiny little thighs. I thought of how healthy she looked, how she glowed with life. Then I thought of all those babies in the world right now without enough to eat and I thanked God for our wealth.

She's howling. I wrack my brain for a solution. Dummy teat (passifier) for her and a shot of whisky for me? I love whisky but I can't drink it diluted with water so I sip it down raw and firey while my throat constricts and my lungs heave. After muting the baby howls with a dummy teat I sit here daydreaming of a 5am shot of whisky...

I transfer Elspeth into her moses basket (bassinette) and I rock it gently while she stares around and waves her arms. She has decided that it is time to be wide awake! I pop some ibuprophen to calm the pain in my abdomen - that stupid infection came back (never left?) and I'm back on antibiotics. "Make sure you see the doctor after you finish that course of antibiotics so he can have a good look and find out if the infection is gone." Auntie Farmor, a seasoned nurse, orders.

"Yes, Aunt." I say and I cringe as I imagine Doctor H's fingers poking into my unhappy belly. It burns like fire and keeps me awake.

Auntie Farmor also told me to wake her up to take the baby in the morning if necessary. That might become a necessity if Elspeth remains awake until 6am. Auntie Farmor leaves for America on Saturday morning. This thought makes a lump grow in my throat as I picture this house devoid of the cheerful presence of my Aunt Diane. She and my mother were not only sisters but also the best of friends. Me and my own sisters practically grew up at Aunt Diane's house. Whenever I look at her smiling face I see all through those years of seeing her and mom together. I think of mom, three years dead now. I think of Elspeth being born the day mom died. I think of how much mom yearned for a sweet little grandchild to hold in her arms (and spoil rotten) and the lump comes back to my throat. Why did you have to go and die? Erlend will be 47 in April - the same age as mom when she packed up and left this world.

Aunt Diane told me that she is going to laminate a picture of Elspeth and put it at mom's grave. I think of that grave and I remember that cold November day when my two sisters, my step-father, and myself stood around a small hole staring down at a small box that contained nothing but ashes. That's my mother in there... All four of us had taken ahold of the box together and placed it into the grave. Then we lay little trinkets on top of the box - mine was a lovely white rosary that I had purchased while spending Christmas break in a convent. Then, in a fit of black humor, we snickered and giggled as we made a wee snowman and placed it at the head of the grave.

How I would love to be able to visit her grave so that I could lay flowers onto the cold ground and say the things that come into my mind that I can't really say over here, thousands of miles away. I would like to be the one to lay the photo of Elspeth at her grandmother's resting place. No... I would rather lay Elspeth into her grandmother's arms... but I can't because my mother is dead. And now Auntie Farmor is leaving and taking that powerful connection to my mother back with her "across the pond".

I hope she comes back next fall. She said she wants too. Maybe, somehow, I can save up the money and buy her a ticket myself?

I move my thoughts away from departing Aunts and departed mothers...

Elspeth seems to be half fussing, half cooing as she squirms about in her moses basket. I silently will her to please go to sleep so I can go back to bed... I know that as soon as I lie down and get comfortable she'll start to howl. Babies are good like that. "Is mom resting? That is SO not allowed on my watch!!"

I stink. I have no idea why I stink but I most certainly do. Now I'm daydreaming of a hot bath rather then whisky. On a better note our house is now saturated with the sweet smell of baby. The rooms are cluttered with sweet baby things. Everywhere I look I see baby this and baby that and my heart glows with joy. Two sheepskins dominate the livingroom: one a soft pink, the other undyed. Both came from my favorite natural child store and the wee one loves to lie on them and wave her arms in the air while kicking her feet. The pink sheepskin is kind of her "Sunday best" sheepskin and I hope to save it for her so she has it when she is older. That will give her something sweet to remember her childhood by...

For the past three days our friend K~~~ has snatched up Aunt Diane and taken her around the island. I'm so greatful because that is what I had wanted to do but the infection and pubis symphasis have kept me housebound. K~~~ and Aunt have had a grand time visiting with one another while seeing the sights. I hope that K~~~'s friendship, plus the baby, helps to lure Auntie Farmor back to Orkney next fall...

Maybe I'll throw a fundraiser party with large banners that read, "BRING AUNTIE FARMOR BACK TO ORKNEY"

Aunt Diane and I had a baby fashion show the other night where we took photos of the wee bairn in various outfits while posing her on the two quilts sent by friends. Elspeth was less then amused but she was SO CUTE just the same! We have been flooded with an endless array of baby gifts - packages from home coming in the mail, presents delivered to the house from folk around Orkney. Piles of cards full of congratulations and well wishes. Elspeth has aquired a fantastic wardrobe filled with every kind of frilly, girly thing you can imagine! People have been so kind. I'm enjoying dressing her up like I used to dress up my baby dolls back when I was a little girl daydreaming of growing up and getting married and having real babies.

Elspeth has outgrown her first set of newborn outfits and I can't understand why I feel so sad about that! I'm sitting here gazing at her first little clothes feeling downhearted. "Our little girl is growing!" Why does that make me feel sad?? Elspeth now weighs a hefty 9 pounds (was 8 pounds at birth) and has grown over an inch. Her little head has become quite fat and she's as strong as an ox.

I'm beginning to suspect that my little ox has not had her fill of milk as I listen to her fussing through the dummy teat. That's my cue to haul myself back up the spiral staircase and into the nursing chair armed with a bottle... Elspeth refuses the bottle and we spend some time in the chair gazing into one other's eyes. Mine are dark earthy brown and hers are a vibrant crystal blue.

It is now past 5am. My back aches but my abdomen has been subdued somewhat by the ibuprophen. I've returned Elspeth to the moses basket and decided that it's worth the risk of trying to go back to bed because at the moment I hear nothing. Not so much as a peep. (Is it possible that the bairn has fallen asleep??) When an exhausted Erlend came to bed around midnight he found me huddled under a pile of blankets. "I'm so cold..." I whined and he crawled under the heap and curled his body around mine and stroked me. "You're too hot." he said.

"I'm freezing." I whimpered.

"No, you're too hot." Erlend insisted while I burrowed into him and fell asleep in his embrace.

As I sit here shivering I long for that embrace and I wonder if he'll be awake enough to respond to my whining about being cold? Or is he out cold? I shall go upstairs and investigate...

Goodnight! Er... Good morning!

Aunt Diane left this morning (Saturday) at the refreshing hour of 6am. I remained behind because Erlend determined I was too ill to be leaving the house so early in the morning after pulling night shift with the sleepless leetle beebee. I was soooo sad to see Auntie Farmor leave!! It's been SO wonderful having her here! I stood in the guest bedroom and watched the car headlights disapearing down the dark road. Aunt is such a hoot and so fun and she filled this house with joy these past two weeks ~ not to mention she spoiled Elspeth absolutely rotten with love and attention! Ironically, even as I am trying not to cry about Aunt Diane leaving I'm getting all excited about Cousin Dawn arriving on December 2nd for her two week visit. I am so blessed!

Anyhoo, canny little Elspeth seemed to have picked up on the fact that Auntie Farmor was leaving and thus Mummy would be all alone and at her newborn mercy. Cue the beginning of endless fussing at 2am!!

When daddy came home from the airport at 8am mummy came downstairs with bloodshot eyes, half a head of new grey hairs, and a leaking bottle of milk. I thrust the howling bairn in the general direction of husband's body. (I couldn't actually see anything...) "Take." I slurred and then, after offloading the screeching child, I turned around and stumbled back upstairs. I must have found the appropriate bed because I woke up under my blankets at 11:30am.

Afternoon shift began with a hearty dose of newborn howls. Just when I thought I would lose my mind... the salvation of our sanity showed up in the mudroom via the posty!! The automatic baby swing hath arrived! (Finally.) Now we can put the little miss in there when she gets into one of her I don't want to sleep. Ever. fussy, crying-round-the-clock moods. The latest one started at 2am this morning and hasn't stopped since. SomeoneShootMeNow...

Alas! The swing is here.

Hoo yeah!!!!

I had no idea how to assemble the crazy thing but necessity is an amazing motivator ~ holding the instructions (writen in ten different languages) in one hand and utilizing my other hand and three of my toes I had it cracked together in less the five minutes. And I found four C batteries banging around in an old drawer full of junk! And I figured out how to use the insane harness system that would leave a fighter jet drooling with envy!

(Can you believe the instructions not only came with pictures (nice!) but also sound effects? It showed the parts being shoved together with a loud "CLICK" beside each illustration. I was highly impressed.)

Phone call to Erlend's mobile::

Michelle: "HEY!! The swing has arrived!"

Erlend: (sounding vastly relieved) "That's great!"

Michelle: Yeah but it's battery operated so I need you to get a boatload of 'C' batteries."

Erlend: (Shouting over roar of tractor) "Eh? What size?"

Michelle: "Size 'C', as in 'Dog'."

Erlend: "What?!"

Michelle: "SIZE 'C', as in 'DOG'."

Silence on other end of phone. Then...

Erlend: "Uh..."

Michelle: "Yeah, this thing takes four batteries and that's all I could find in the house. So make sure and get a boat load of 'C' batteries. 'C' as in 'Dog'."

Erlend: "Riiiiight..."

Michelle: "Thank you, beloved husband! I'm going to go take a nap now. I'm exhausted."

Erlend: "Er... yeah... you do that..."

There you have it.

Now, well armed and ready for battle, I await the baby's cries...

Bring it on, kid. Mom will prevail!!!!

Thank God for whisky and Transformers Armada...

Since I have been suffering from a month-long case of Perpetual Post Partum Insomnia I told my totally exhausted Erlend to hit the sack early and I'd stay up with our Little Howl...er...Little Owl.

Husband actually fled to the sanctuary of the empty guest bedroom! He's holed up there as I type. It's going to be a cold bed for me tonight.

I can't blame him, really. Sleep has been beyond scarce since Elspeth made her entrance into this world. I remember laying on the operating table like a gutted fish and, upon spying our newly extracted baby, thinking... now the real fun begins...

Fortified with a dram of whisky (Famous Grouse) and a Transformers Armada DVD I'm ready to pull evening shift and night shift... I'll just have to do so without trying to think about what might be watching me through our huge, curtainless windows...

I love country life but it can be downright creepy at times. I'll just watch the DVD and pretend it's daytime...

"Optimus Prime, your end is at hand muwahahahahaaa!"

Waaaaaah! Waaaaah!

"Autobots, prepare for battle!"

Waaaaaahhhhh! Waaaaahhhhh!

"Ah, but Prime ~ I have the light saber thingybobber and I'm not afraid to use it muwahahahahahaaa!"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! "Prepare to die, Megatron!" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
"Mumph muh ATTACK! umph hoo TRANSFORM!..." BANG! BOOM! CLANG!! WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! UUUHH-WAAAAH!!!

**Activate Pause Button In Mid-Battle**

"Sheesh, kid. Ya hungry or something?"

WAAAAAHHHH!!!

(Geez... where's the mute button on this model of newborn?) "Ok! Hang on already! I'll go grab some milk." (Praise the Lord and pass the Prozac...)

I remember when I was in the Navy and sometimes I had to pull back-to-back watch shifts. I always thought I was going to die but I never did. Instead, I engaged in jumpingjacks and ran in place out there in the stillness of the Sicilian nights. You do anything to stay awake while on watch - otherwise you end up in the brig. Welp, I'm about to fall back on my old tactics and start running in place here in the hallway.

Maybe I should have had coffee instead of a whisky? Or hey... whisky in coffee? OooOOooo that sounds divine!

It's all good. I'm raising the next generation of Trans Fan heh heh heh...